What's Wrong With Michigan?

I know, I know. It's been awhile. But believe it or not, I actually do have a life other than typing on my computer keyboard and that has taken precedent the last couple of weeks. But fear not. I'm back on the eve of the greatest month in sports: March!

You know that feeling you get when you see a beautiful girl for the first time (or guy if you're a girl reading this... I can't imagine that many females read this blog, but keep substituting in the male sex for the rest of the paragraph if you have two X chromosomes)? You become obsessed with her. She captivates you and you think she's going to become your perfect girlfriend. However, as you get to know her, you realize she's not as great as she first seemed. Maybe she's slightly psychotic. Maybe she stalks her ex-boyfriend and is constantly flirting with 50 other guys. Maybe she just smells bad. Whatever the reason is, you come to the realization that your first impression was completely off the mark. This is how I feel about the University of Michigan basketball team.

Normally I don't give a damn about the whole state of Michigan, but I was really excited to watch this Michigan team during the early part of the season, and as an Ohio State fan, I was terrified the Wolverines and Hoosiers would run away from everybody else in the Big Ten. Trey Burke decided to come back to school after skipping the NBA Draft, and he proved early that he would become a top candidate for the Wooden Award this season. Two players, Glenn Robinson III and Tim Hardaway Jr., have basketball encoded into their DNA thanks to their NBA fathers, and looked like they would develop into superstars. Jordan Morgan and top recruit Mitch McGary looked like they would form a decent frontcourt. Other freshman, Nik Stauskas and Caris LeVert in particular, looked poised to play huge roles for this team. Basically, team this looked like the Fab Five 2.0. 

However, the month of February soon rolled around for the Wolverines, and the Michigan basketball team proceeded to go out of style in less time than the Harlem Shake. Michigan went to Bloomington and played in the most talked about basketball game of the season against number one Indiana, and lost. Michigan barely beat Ohio State in overtime thanks to the worst no call in basketball history that ever was and ever will be (OK, maybe I'm still a little bitter). Then, the Wolverines went to Madison and Ben Brust happened, meaning another Michigan lost. Next, they went to Michigan State and got embarrassed by their arch-rival, meaning another Michigan lost. Finally, they went to University Park and lost to a team that was formerly 0-14 in Big Ten play. The first three losses are justifiable because winning in those buildings is nearly impossible. Losing to Penn State, however, is not. I cannot name a single player on the Nittany Lions. I had to look up their coach's name- which is Pat Chambers- for those couple of readers who care. I could come off the bench for Penn State (That's right. I'm saying a 5'7" white kid who hasn't played basketball in six years could play for this team... OK maybe walk-on... OK, never mind, I'd just make a helluva team manager). Anyways, thanks to more inconsistency than something very inconsistent, the Wolverines ended February 3-4 and have suddenly become one of the most confusing teams in the country. The question is can they figure out before the tournament. Last year, Michigan lost to the Ohio Bobcats (and somewhere Brady Hoke is trying to figure out whether Ohio State has a different mascot for basketball or if this is some crazy conspiracy theory and there are actually two Ohio Universities) in the First Round. They could be on a similar path if they don't get it together soon.

My prediction for the Wolverines? They make the Sweet Sixteen. I hate making predictions before an actual bracket comes out because -as I channel my inner Jerry Maguire- "Show Me the Match-Ups!" This team has too much talent to get upset in the first weekend. Trey Burke can single-handedly will a team to at least a couple of victories against inferior tournaments. A Final Four is still even possible if this team gets it together over the next couple of weeks (They have plenty of opportunities with games vs. Michigan State and the Big Ten Tournament). If they don't though, that State Up North's flagship university could be in for some more heartbreak. And as a Buckeye fan there's nothing else I'd love to see more.

J. Nave


A Few Quick Notes
1) You may notice I use a lot of parentheses  These are to function as footnotes because my honor roll brain can't figure out how to incorporate them on this program. Sorry!
2) If you're a Michigan fan, you may feel I show some bias in this article. If you've got a problem, deal with it. My blog, my rules. Start your own blog if you're bothered by my Buckeye bias. But admit it... You realize I'm telling the truth most of the time.

Fun Fact of the Week:  A man survived 18 days with no food or water just by licking his prison walls... Courtesy of Emily Rodriguez 

Comparing NCAA Basketball Teams to Models

I thought the best news I was going to hear this week was Quentin Tarantino's announcement that he wants to make a crossover sequel between "Inglorious Bastards and "Django Unchained". Imagining all the incredible paths that this situation could take (Literally, anything could happen. Tarantino is one of the finest directors of all time and the creativity this project would involve could only be accomplished by him. This has the potential to be the greatest movie ever if it happens) was awesome, but receiving the newest Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is always one of the best things about February. I was going to compare a select group of college basketball teams to the models in the magazine this year, but I realized very few of these models are well known to the world. So, I had to expand my horizons a bit when looking for comparisons between these top 25 teams and top 25 models:

1) Team: Miami (FL) Hurricanes--- Model: Katherine Webb

Three months ago, the college basketball world was not paying a lot of attention to Miami. A struggling program of  late these past few years looked destined to repeat as an ACC bottom feeder and had already lost games to lowly Florida Gulf Coast and Indiana State. Overlooked in these losses was the fact that Miami was missing either Durrand Scott or Reggie Johnson, their two best players. Now, Miami is the hottest team in the country and they've yet to lose in 2013. After years of ACC domination by Duke and UNC, Jim Larranaga, the former George Mason coach, could claim the throne and head back to the Final Four. However, Miami's biggest enemy may be themselves. If they get too much swagger because Dwayne Wade and LeBron James are starting to show up to their games, they could be in deep trouble. 

The only person who's been as hot as the Hurricanes in 2013 is Katherine Webb. Unless you follow Alabama beauty pageant results or stalk AJ McCarron, there's a good chance you had absolutely no idea who Webb was two months ago. Now, thanks to some ESPN cameramen and some CREEPY remarks by Brent Musberger, every man, woman, and child in America knows the Auburn grad. With her new popularity, Webb took part in the SI Swimsuit photoshoot and sported her boyfriend's jersey. AJ, you are one lucky dude Katherine Webb Photos

2) Team: Michigan State Spartans--- Model: Gisele Bundchen (Mrs. Tom Brady)

For the first months of the season, the Michigan State Spartans have received very little press. After their dominating win against Michigan, that's going to change in a big way. Why the Spartans have received so little respect is beyond me, but they're success can be summed up with two words: Tom Izzo. When mentioning the top coaches in the game, Izzo's name has to come up. He's won one national championship, been national runner-up once, made four other Final Fours, and seven conference titles. His players, especially Gary Harris, Brandon Dawson, and Keith Appling, are peaking right now, and the freshmen are finally beginning to mature because of the tough play in the B1G.

Gisele Bundchen (Brady): may be 32 years old now, but just like Tom Izzo's squad is proving, experience can be the most important quality that someone can have. Bundchen has been doing her job very well, for a very long time. She's very versatile as she's starred in films "like Taxi" and "The Devil Wears Prada". According to Forbes, she was estimated of making $45 million in 2012 showing her value to the industry. And come March, you can never count out the importance of experience. Gisele Bundchen

3) Team: Indiana Hoosiers--- Model: Kate Upton

Over the past 14 months, it's hard to find a more successful basketball team in the NCAA than the Hoosiers. Ever since Christian Watford hit "The Shot" to beat Kentucky, Tom Crean's squad has finally put IU basketball back on the map. This team is arguably the most talented team in the land. Victor Oladipo, who very few people were talking about early in the year, is now an established Wooden Award candidate and a likely top 10 draft pick. Cody Zeller is one of the most versatile big men in the country, and Yogi Ferrel (A FRESHMAN!!!) is competing with some of the Big Ten's best point guards. Despite a couple close losses, this team has been very impressive, but they have a daunting schedule left.

It's hard to find a more successful supermodel than Kate Upton. She has now graced the Sports Illustrated cover two years in a row, been in a Super Bowl commercial, and get this: She was named Fox News' Person of the Year Dominating the modelling industry for the past several months now, it will be interesting if like Indiana, she can continue her dominance when it matters most- the future. In case you need some new wallpaper, this should do

4) Team: Florida Gators--- Model: Miranda Kerr

On paper, it's hard to find a "sexier" college basketball team than the Florida Gators. Other than that odd loss to Arkansas a couple weeks ago- to amend the words of Alicia Keys- "This team is on fire". With all upperclassmen in their starting lineup, Florida has the versatility and athleticism you want in a college team. This side of Cody Zeller, Erik Murphy is the most versatile forwards you can find. An experienced backcourt with Scottie Wilbekin and Kenny Boynton can go head to head with any guard combination in the country. And yet again, Billy Donovan is the coach leading this bunch. The Gators have won two national championships and made consecutive Elite Eights. As long as playing in the weak SEC doesn't hamper their ability to play against good teams, the Gators may finally break through and make it to Atlanta. 

Miranda Kerr, a Victoria's Secret angel since 2007, is easily one of the sexiest models on the planet right now. She's been lauded by FHM, Men's Health, and models.com for her stunning appearance. Being loved for her natural "Girl Next Door" look, Kerr is arguably the most famous Australian on the planet. She's married to Orlando Bloom, and that couple easily wins "The Hottest Couple On The Planet" award right now.  Miranda Kerr   

5) Team: Akron Zips--- Model: Hannah Davis

Why am I mentioning the Akron Zips in this article? Well in case you forgot, last year the Ohio Bobcats made the Sweet Sixteen out of the MAC. The most dominant team in the MAC this year is Akron, and with a weak field, the Zips could be primed to make some noise in the tournament. It all starts upfront with Zeke Marshall and Demetrius Treadwell. These two make up the most underrated frontcourt in America (Other than maybe the Creighton, who has been struggling of late). While Akron doesn't have an impressive or difficult resume, they took Oklahoma State to overtime and beat Middle Tennesseee State, a team many experts are pointing to as a Cinderella team in March. The biggest challenge Akron faces is that the MAC will not get multiple bids to the Big Dance. They're going to have to fend of the Bobcats probably two more times if they want a shot come March.

Who's Hannah Davis you ask? She's the girl in the DirecTV genie commercials. Still unsure who Hannah Davis is? She's been dating Derek Jeter. You still don't recognize her? Davis is the most talked about rookie in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition this year. If someone is bound to make it big time in the next few months because of their beauty, it's probably going to be her. Look out for both the Zips and Davis over the next few months (And if they make it big time, you heard it here first. Remember that!). Hannah Davis

One last thing before I go. Thank you Gonzaga for winning last night and not making me look stupid for touting you all last week. Going to Moraga and giving Saint Mary's their first home loss of the year should make more people realize that this team has a legitimate chance of cutting down the nets in Atlanta this year. 

J. Nave

Fun Fact of the Week: There are actually two Billy Donovan's on the Florida Gators this season. Donovan's oldest son, William III (who like his father goes by Billy), transferred from a small college in Washington DC to play for his father. While he may not play much, having two Billy Donovan's may be just the quirk the Gators need to break through and make it to the Final Four. 

     

  

February Madness

Well, it's official. My level of boredom has reached a whole new level, and as a result, completely exhausted at 9 on a Saturday night, I've created my own blog to rant about whatever I want to. I've decided on sports and pop culture for my main topics, as my tweets about these two subjects seem to generate the most retweets and favorites. Whether you continue reading or not, I could in all honesty not care less. But if enough people seem to respond to my rambling in a positive light maybe I'll turn this into a regular thing (As a fair warning, I've decided to talk about college basketball in this first blog. Not sure if my writing will make you laugh and be a mild success or make you cringe and be a complete failure, but yet again I really don't care, because I was REALLY bored when I came up with this idea). With all that being said, let's get on to the good stuff!

Let's face it. Trying to understand this college basketball season is like trying to understand Chief Keef's dialect of English: It simply can't be done. After watching ranked team after ranked team lose and hearing all the so called "experts" continue to be wrong with their predictions, I've decided to use my blog to throw my hat in the ring and start discussion my own opinions and predictions about the sports and pop culture world. College basketball seems like an appropriate place to start, as in the last week, four of the top 5 ranked teams have lost:

• Number five Kansas went out and lost twice to two teams in TCU and Oklahoma that would struggle with your best YMCA teams. 
• Thanks to Indiana's preseason POY Cody Zeller deciding to guard Manti Te'o's girlfriend instead of Tyler Griffey in the last second up in Champaign, six number one ranked teams have now been beaten.
• The School Up North escaped on Tuesday with a questionable no call in overtime against Ohio State, but Sam Decker made sure that Buckeye Nation wouldn't be devastated for too long, and ensured himself some fun for the next few weekends on the Wisconsin campus.
• Even the hottest team in the country entering this week, the Florida Gators, managed to stumble in Fayetteville on Tuesday against an Arkansas team that played out of their minds.

This level of parity in the college basketball world is unlike anything I've seen in my brief lifetime. There's a better chance of a decent Nicholas Cage movie being released than someone filling out a perfect bracket come March. Week after week, a new team has been chosen to join the ranks of the elite, but week after week, each time chosen seems to respectfully decline. Who should be given the opportunity this week? How about the Gonzaga Bulldogs.

Playing in the West Coast Conference (quick name the other members of the WCC), Gonzaga doesn't get a lot of media attention. In fact the only game most people have seen Gonzaga play was when they lost against Butler on Roosevelt Jones' buzzer beater in Hinkle Fieldhouse. Even without Rotnei Clarke, the star of this year's Butler squad, the Bulldog magic- which is about the closest thing to real magic you're going to find in this Muggle dominated world- and the crowed fueled by the College Gameday appearance left Gonzaga a very minimal chance of winning. Mark Few's squad has quietly compiled a 23-2 record up in Spokane, and their only other loss was to Illinois, when the Illini were in a stretch where every three pointer they shot seemed to go in. A dominant frontcourt lead by Elias Harris and Kelly Olynyk, solid guard play from David Stockton and Kevin Pangos,  and a very deep roster with players like Gary Bell Jr. and Sam Dower making key contributions every game. The Bulldogs have already beaten half of the Big 12 (but that's only five teams for those of you who aren't familiar with the recent conference realignment) and have not stumbled in WCC play. This week's AP poll will likely have Gonzaga in the top 5 with a legitimate claim to being ranked in the top 3. Why would being ranked this high be a bad thing for Gonzaga? Well, we all know by now that going on the road as a top 3 team and winning is more unlikely than finding an efficient Chipotle staffed by only white people. This week Gonzaga has to go on the road and face rival Saint Mary's- probably the only other WCC team many of you could name- and the only team who has been able to compete with Gonzaga in years past. So, if many of the pollsters agree with me and annoint the Bulldogs a top 3 ranking, we may be back here having the same discussion next week. However, if they can stop the trend and prove their ranking as legit, this team may be on their way to a number one seed come March.

J. Nave

Fun Fact of the Week: Since I was partially inspired by  Mark Titus, whose Club Trillion blog is a better established, more hilarious, and widely loved version of this style of writing, when I created this, I thought I should share his nickname for Gonzaga: The Foreigners. A highly appropriate name, as Mark Few has brought five international players to Spokane this year. Why a bunch of people around the world would want to spend four years in the wonderful metropolis of Spokane, Washington is beyond me, but I'll give Few credit. His formula is working.