Super Bowl Preview (By Previewing Absolutely Nothing Related to Football)

This Sunday, the biggest annual sporting event in the world, the Super Bowl, will match the Denver Broncos against the Seattle Seahawks in New York City. Of course, unless you've been in a comatose state for the past week and a half, you already know that. ESPN has provided thorough and extensive coverage from every angle possible for the past ten days. Everybody who has access to the internet has seen Richard Sherman scream loud noises at Erin Andrews and can't wait to see what he does next. Anybody who has ever watched a game of football knows who Peyton Manning is. If you've turned on the radio in the past five years, you've probably heard a Bruno Mars song or two. Even if all of those fail to describe you, then you can at least point out New York City on a map, and realize it's probably going to be very cold on February 2nd. This Super Bowl truly has something for everyone! Considering every facet of the actual game has already been analyzed by every news source, sports site, former (and current) jock, and casual soccer mom on the planet, I'm going to pick a Super Bowl winner based on everything unrelated to the game itself.

1) The Super Bowl happens to match up the two NFL teams from the two states that have legalized the recreational use of marijuana. Coincidence? I think not! Michael Phelps got caught smoking, and now he's the most decorated Olympian of all time. Is that one example enough to prove that weed makes you become better at sports? Yes, so let's move on... Anyways, if marijuana was still illegal, neither team would have made it to the Super Bowl. Don't believe me? Peyton Manning would have never been able to recover from another neck surgery and play the greatest season at the quarterback position of all time if it wasn't for a little film session ganja. Richard Sherman is already a lunatic on the football field. Can you imagine if he didn't have his pregame hits to calm him down? Everybody knows Marshawn Lynch eats Skittles when he scores, but do you know why? He needs his sugary munchies of course! To end the importance of marijuana in the Super Bowl before every one of my readers is convinced I'm a stoner, we will end with a corny marijuana joke:

Every pothead in Washington and Colorado to his friends this Sunday: That might be THE Super Bowl, but this right here is sure a super bowl (Cue maniacal laughing for five minutes)

Advantage: Seahawks... Lynch and Sherman need the weed more than Manning (Disclaimer- No idea if any of them smoke weed, but just for fun, we're going to act like my assumptions are right).

2) Super Bowl commercials make the game for those not interested in the battle on the gridiron. Well, I've got news for you. Budweiser has already claimed the best ad thanks to their Puppy Love, or Best Buds, commercial (Watch The Video Here). Please tell me how you top that? One, Budweiser uses its iconic Clydesdales once again, a Super Bowl tradition on the same level as hot wings and nachos. Then, there's that adorable puppy playing with said Clydesdales; The cuteness is unreal! When you add Passenger's "Let Her Go" in the background it just becomes perfection. Seriously, nobody markets better than Budweiser, and they hit it out of the park again. There will be funny commercials, stupid commercials, bizarre commercials, and heartfelt commercials, but I don't see this one being beat. Taco Bell commercials might make a killing in Washington and Colorado to suffice that late night/fourth meal craving (Couldn't resist another weed joke), but best commercial goes to Budweiser hands down.

Advantage: Broncos... Colorado is famous for Coors Light, a beer company, which Budweiser is. I know that logic makes no sense since the two are rivals, but it's my blog, and what I say goes. Plus, the Seattle brewery scene probably consists of only hipster microbreweries because what sounds more Seattle than a hipster microbrewery... Oh never mind, a hipster coffee shop definitely sounds more Seattle.

3) "Peyton Manning struggles in the cold. Health issues, age, and declining arm strength make him play his worst when the temperature is below freezing", or a variation of that phrase, has been, and will continue to be, uttered thousands of times this week. It's no secret that New York, New York isn't the place to go to escape winter, but for some reason, the NFL thought it would be a good idea to play a Super Bowl outdoors in a cold weather climate. This idea makes absolutely zero sense. First off, the players should be awarded with top notch playing conditions if they're going to sacrifice their bodies day in, day out for more than half of the year. They will not be getting that in MetLife Stadium. Fans should not pay thousands of dollars to watch this game and then be forced to sit outside in horrible weather. Most importantly, Bruno Mars should not have to risk a bad hair day performing in these conditions. It's inhumane, Roger Goodell!

Advantage: Seahawks... Seattle has worse weather than Denver. They'll be slightly more acclimated to the conditions

4) As mentioned a few times already, Bruno Mars will be performing during the halftime show this year. He threw a "Grenade" into the mix when he announced the Red Hot Chili Peppers would be performing with him. That combination? Not really sure what to think. I don't personally think the combination is going to equal "Treasure". Honestly, I hope Bruno opts for his more upbeat songs, so he doesn't seem like he's just "Talking to the Moon." Bruno, I like you "Just the Way You Are", but singing a bunch of ballads isn't appropriate for a sporting event like the Super Bowl. It's okay if you ask Erin Andrews to "Marry You" before, during, or after one of your numbers, but don't sing too many sad songs, or football and music fans will want you "Locked Out of Heaven". Oh, and sing "The Lazy Song". I like that one.

Advantage: Broncos... If Macklemore and Ryan Lewis would have been performing, Seattle would already be holding the Lombardi Trophy. They've already won four Grammys and performed at 30+ weddings this week. What have you done with your life? Seattle has launched a lot of great bands, but since none of them were ultimately selected, I have to give the advantage to Denver. Don't know of nearly as many bands out of Denver, but John Denver wrote some catchy tunes.

5) American education is lagging behind our foreign competitors, so any time I can watch football and simultaneously get more intelligent, I'm impressed. Why is that relevant in the Super Bowl? Geography, of course! Omaha, Nebraska might be a simple city in middle America, but thanks to Peyton Manning (Oh, and Doug McDermott, since this is supposed to be a college basketball blog after all), everybody is paying attention to these Nebraskans nowadays. A city best known for Warren Buffett and the College World Series, Peyton Manning has turned "Omaha! Omaha!" into America's favorite little city. I don't see Russell Wilson making Des Moines, Iowa into a famous town or drinking game.

Advantage: Broncos. Not only is Peyton Manning putting on a clinic for how to play the quarterback position, he has taught millions of Americans the importance of the American heartland- And he deserves kudos for that.

6) Uniforms are always a good way to logically pick a game, right? Let's look into these two teams. Seattle's color scheme is navy blue and neon green. Denver's color scheme is navy blue and orange. Seattle has one of my personal favorite helmets in the league and did the smart thing by letting Nike actually make some monumental changes to the uniforms a couple years back. Denver has sharp uniforms, too, but they're not as good. The orange is just too much, and teams that wear orange don't win important football games where I live (Unless they're playing Ohio State, another team that can't win a big game). 

Advantage: Seahawks. In the City that Never Sleeps, you've got to have a flashy, yet crisp, style to stand out. Seattle's uniforms do that. Denver's do not.

7) We're all tied up, so we're gonna have to go to the intangibles to see who ultimately wins Super Bowl XLIII. Chipotle is headquartered in Denver, Colorado. Starbucks is headquartered in Seattle, Washington. Denver has no famous landmarks that come to mind. Seattle has the Space Needle. Denver plays in Sports Authority Field at Mile High Stadium. Seattle plays in CenturyLink Field in front of the 12th man, one of the best home field advantages in sports. A Bronco is a cool horse. A Seahawk seems like a cool bird. Denver's coach checked himself into the hospital this season as Johnny Drama. Seattle's coach liked inviting Will Ferrell to practices when he coached at the other USC. Denver is a state capitol. Seattle isn't a state capital (Olympia is the capital of Washington for those of you aspiring to be Jeopardy! contestants one day). Denver has other professional sports teams in all the major sports. Seattle only has a baseball team left. Denver has no famous market or spot that comes to mind when I recall dates on The Bachelor. Seattle has a market where you can catch and throw fish that's been feature on The Bachelor.  

Advantage: Broncos. As a connoisseur of fans and athletic venues, I love Seattle's 12th man. However, I'm not a basic white girl, so the Starbucks has no sway on me. The Space Needle is a cool building, and even though Carroll knows some A-listers, I really don't like him at all. Ultimately, Denver takes the nod and is my pick to win the Super Bowl because the city started Chipotle and John Fox checked himself into the hospital as Johnny Drama (Mark Wahlberg owes Fox big time. I can't think of a better way to generate more hype for the Entourage movie than this publicity stunt). That's why it will be VICTORY for Peyton Manning and Co. this Sunday.

Broncos-21                  Seahawks-20

J. Nave

How to Fix The Ohio State Buckeyes

On January 7th, the Ohio State Buckeyes were 15-0 and a consensus top five team. Now, on January 26th, the Bucks find themselves at 16-4. Losses to Michigan State, Iowa, Minnesota, and Nebraska followed by an unimpressive win against Illinois have them falling way behind the pace in the Big Ten race, and many experts are now throwing around the dreaded "overrated" word when mentioning them. The question is with six weeks left to play in the season can the Buckeyes regroup to get back into the Big Ten race, regain some momentum, and make a run in the NCAA tournament? I think they can. So basketball fans, members of the Buckeye Nut House and Buckeye Nation everywhere, and any other person who might have accidentally stumbled upon this blog, let's look at how Ohio State can climb back to the top of the college basketball polls.

During their four game losing streak, Ohio State couldn't score. They haven't been able to score all year, but during those four losses the Buckeyes couldn't buy a basket, even if they'd just won the lottery and Walmart was offering Black Friday deals. If they were playing darts, they couldn't have hit a bulls eye the size of Kim Kardashian's thigh-fat infused ass. If they fell out of a boat, they would have not only been unable to hit water, they would've found a way to land in a mound of desert sand. I hope you all get the point at just how bad it was... Ohio State doesn't have the heralded "go to scorer" when they need a basket to end a run or get some momentum. In fact, Ohio State's offense becomes a DIRECTV commercial when things start to go bad. What do I mean? When LaQuinton Ross can't score, Ohio State struggles to find an easy basket. When Ohio State can't find an easy basket, Lenzelle Smith starts to force shots. When Lenzelle Smith starts to force shots, the Bucks try and get Amir Williams going in the paint. When the Bucks try and get Amir Williams going in the paint, everybody remembers he's the worst forward in college basketball. When everybody remembers he's the worst forward in college basketball, Aaron Craft gets frustrated and turns the ball over. When Aaron Craft gets frustrated and turns the ball over, Ohio State stops defending. And when Ohio State stops defending, they have no chance of winning a basketball game. That recipe basically sums up Ohio State's play over the last four weeks. The consistently poor offense and a disappearance of the dominating defense that has been essential to Ohio State during the Thad Matta era has led to the Buckeyes finding themselves with four Big Ten losses before February. Luckily, the Big Ten schedule is an absolute gauntlet, so Michigan, Michigan State, Wisconsin, Iowa, Indiana, Minnesota, and just about every other team (outside of maybe Penn State and Northwestern) will beat each other up. This gives Ohio State a slim chance to lay claim to at least a share of the Big Ten title by season's end. Of course, they'll have to win some tough games of their own along the way. How do they get back to playing Buckeye basketball? Easy.

1) Get Aaron Craft More Involved on Offense
It's no secret that Aaron Craft's jumper is not a masterpiece, so he's not going to create that many shots for himself on the perimeter. It's also no secret that Craft has some of the quickest feet in college basketball, so he can stay with anybody in college basketball. That's why I don't get why Matta doesn't create more opportunities for Craft to drive to the rim. Run screens for him. Run pick-and-rolls with Williams. If Craft starts scoring more, he'll attract more attention, thus creating more opportunities for the shooters around him. This will give the Buckeyes easier looks for their perimeter shooters, which is exactly what they need right now. How do they get Craft more opportunities to create for himself?

2) Go Small
The Buckeyes do not have a great front court as all. You never know what you're going to get out of Amir Williams (And most nights, it's very bad basketball), and Trey McDonald might be one of the most worthless forwards in the country. Instead of keeping one of these guys in the game, the Bucks should try a smaller lineup. LaQuinton Ross is just as tall as McDonald, and he can do a lot more on the floor. A lineup of Craft, Smith or Shannon Scott, Sam Thompson, Ross, and Marc Loving (who we will get to later) would give this team much better opportunities to score. It might make them vulnerable to teams with dominating front courts on the defensive end, but right now, trying this lineup would be worth a shot. And if this doesn't work?

3) Get the Ball to the Italian
Cue Will Ferrell a la Kicking and Screaming for step number three to fix the Buckeyes. A staple of almost every great team in college basketball is a shooter off the bench who can hit a three to end a drought and swing the momentum (Luke Hancock for Louisville last year is a great example). Ohio State has a great player (with an even greater name!) in Amedeo Della Valle to fill this void.The man might look like a mix of a poorly designed animated character and Anderson Varejao, but he has proven he can provide instant offense off the bench occasionally. If Della Valle is unable to do this, what are some other options?

4) Utilize your Member of the Best Recruiting Class of All Time
Ohio State may have not gotten me, but they still landed a player out of the best recruiting class of all time in Marc Loving. Every time I watch the Buckeyes play, I see William Buford 2.0 in Loving. He has a smooth jump shot and some raw athleticism. He has made his share of freshman mistakes this season, and while that was reduced some of my faith in him, I don't understand why Matta hasn't given him more opportunities. The most important thing for the Ohio State Buckeyes to do, though?

5) Get Back to Your Bread and Butter and Play Defense
The saying "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" comes to mind with step five. Outside of VCU and Syracuse, Ohio State has made their reputation on the defensive end. They might not have a catchy name like 'Havoc' or play the 2-3 zone like Syracuse, but they have always played consistently good man-to-man defense under Matta. Jonah Hill might have been able to move on to play more serious roles in films, Brett Favre might have been able to move on to play for the Vikings and Jets, and Justin Bieber might have been able to develop into a felon, but unlike these three men, the Buckeyes need to hang their hats on the strength that has made them a perennial threat come March. 

Only time will tell if the Bucks can mesh back together into a cohesive and capable basketball unit. Only time will tell if Ohio State will find a bona fide scorer. Only time will tell if Thad Matta stumbles across the blog post to discover the cure for bad basketball. Here;s hoping Ohio State figures it out solely for Aaron Craft's purpose, and his Buckeye career can end with the way it should: A Big Ten regular season/tournament title and a deep NCAA tournament run.

Fun Fact of the Week: Back in November, I picked Creighton's Doug McDermott to win National Player of the Year. That looks to be a great prediction, if any readers made a bet on that. However, I also picked Syracuse as the most overrated team in the country. That was a horrible prediction, and I might reimburse any readers who made a bet on that. 

J. Nave

Why Syracuse and Arizona Are the Two Best Teams in the Country

Normally this time of year, the winter has settled in and locked me in my house until the long awaited signs of spring begin to come. However, since I'm now residing in the beautiful city of Columbia, South Carolina, winter has become a nonexistent concept. As a result, I haven't gotten my normal fill of college basketball Maybe it's because the warmer climate makes it feel like it shouldn't be basketball season, and I don't feel motivation to watch? Maybe it's because college football season was so fun? Maybe it's because the University of South Carolina has a (and this is putting it very, very kindly) less than stellar basketball team? No matter the reason, I forced myself to renew my interest by watching multiple games this week and over Christmas break. For one, I need some new subject material for this blog, so I can avoid doing homework for as long as possible once Netflix gets boring (Also, to any of my professors who stumble on to this- It's syllabus week. Homework isn't acceptable now, okay? The forced procrastination shouldn't have to start until next week). Also, I need to make sure I can win a bracket pool... or two... or eighty nine, so I can make some money once March rolls around. To get our feet back in the water, I've decided to talk about the indisputable top two teams in the country currently: Arizona and Syracuse. If my life depended on predicting a national champion right now, it would definitely be either the Wildcats or the Orange. Granted, I'd be so confused on which one to take, my head would probably explode, so the whole concept doesn't really work. Since I eradicated my own theory, let's just dig and see why these teams are so good. 

Arizona hasn't lost a game yet. They've had impressive wins over Duke, UCLA, and Michigan. They have a balanced lineup who can beat you in a variety of different ways. T.J. McConnell might be the most underrated point guard in the country and plays defense like Aaron Craft. Aaron Gordon is doing what he needs to do, even if he isn't living up to being a member of the best freshman recruiting class of all time like I am. Kaleb Tarczewski is an absolute Greek god in the paint. (See, his name sounds like Zeus, who was like the God of Gods in Greek Mythology, so that's punny). Brandon Ashley is also coming into his own which will only make this team more dangerous. Their coach, Sean Miller, proved he could win in the NCAA tournament at Xavier, and I think this is the year he breaks into the Final Four. Not to mention, the Pac-12's caliber of basketball seems much better than year's past. This will only help the Wildcats prepare for a deep tournament run in March.

As good as Arizona has been, I think Syracuse has been even better. They've had wins over California, Minnesota, Indiana, Villanova, and North Carolina (The Tar Heels have been the single most inconsistent college basketball team this year, so it's debatable how good of a win that one was). The Orange, like Arizona, can have any player on the team beat you on the offensive end, and the 2-3 zone continues to be a black hole for opposing offenses. I'm fully convinced Jim Boeheim could take five students from the student section one game and turn them into elite defensive players in in time for the next one. Hell, for the sake of a challenge, he could probably take the students' moms and make them shut down a solid intramural team with a week or two of practice. The scariest thing about this team? How easily they score, as four players are averaging double figures. First off, there's CJ Fair, a legitimate player of the year candidate, who has blossomed into the Orange's natural leader this year. Then, there's Trevor Cooney, who is the only player in college basketball who could beat you in a drinking contest, beat you in basketball, and then beat you in a brawl, all in the same average, Tuesday night (Do I know if Trevor Cooney is actually Irish, as I strongly stereotyped him to be in that last sentence? No. But if he's not, that would be saddening). On top of that you have Rakeem Christmas. Not only does Syracuse have a player with the last name of Christmas, he wears #25!

"Christmas 25" has to come right behind "Love 69" as the best thing you can have on the back of a basketball jersey (Okay Kevin Love, the ball's in your court now... You make this happen and you'll have the best selling jersey in the NBA, even if it's just a bunch of teenage boys buying it). That alone gives Syracuse more intangibles than just about every team in the country. Finally, the biggest reason Syracuse is playing the best basketball of any team in the country right now is because of Tyler Ennis. Last year, the Orange rode the play of the Michael Carter-Williams to the Final Four, and all the experts expected the point guard position play to drastically fall off. So inevitably, what happened? A Canadian freshman (NOT named Andrew Wiggins!!!) steps in, averages double figures, plays ferocious defense, and proves the power of maple syrup game after game. I didn't even mention Jerami Grant in that entire paragraph, and he just happens to be Syracuse's second leading scorer. If that's not a testament to this team's potential in March, I'm not really sure what to tell you. Barring a serious injury, an Aaron Hernandez-like murder controversy, or Ennis getting caught smoking synthetic marijuana without any pants in a parking lot because he can't find a Boston Market (Oh wait, Kellen Winslow is already of being the only athlete in New York who will do that... Make that the only athlete in the world who will do that), Syracuse looks like a lock for the Final Four right now. 

To conclude this week, I've decided to bring back the Fun Fact of the Week: Over break, I stumbled upon the Xavier basketball team. What stuck out to me about the Xavier basketball team? It wasn't the possibility of them winning the new Big East or being a dark horse team in the tournament. Rather, it was Matt Stainbrook. Before proceeding, I want you to imagine a stereotypical D1 college basketball player in your mind. Now scroll down and behold the Ryan Gosling lookalike, insanely athletic, and future NBA Hall of Famer, Mr. Matt Stainbrook

To make matters worse, Stainbrook had a massive bandage on his face to go with his Rec Specs during the game I watched. On the Xavier website, he's listed at 263, but that might be a little generous, as the guy struggled to get down the court. Don't get me wrong, he had a nasty baby hook. I just still can't figure out how somebody who looks like the nerdy, pale Hulk can be a prominent figure on a good basketball team.

J. Nave

Bold and Not So Bold Predictions for the 2014 College Football Season

Last night, the Florida State Seminoles completed one of the most remarkable comebacks in college football history to stun the Auburn Tigers. Last night, the BCS era came to a fantastic conclusion after years of controversy, but not before giving fans the best five of the best BCS bowls of all time. Last night, Jameis Winston reminded the world that "God is so blessed." Last night, was also the final college football game for more than 230 days. In honor of the end of the BCS and all the anticipation of 2014's landmark college football season and playoff, I'm going to try and make up for my atrocious 19-16 bowl record by making some predictions for what will happen next season: 

1. Jameis Winston Will Continue To Give Bad Interviews
Last night, Jameis Winston proved two things: First, he is a very good quarterback deserving of the Heisman trophy. Second, he has no public speaking abilities whatsoever. I was going to try and write this entire paragraph in 'Winston English', but the task was simply too hard. He may have "done it big" and "brought that swag back" on the football field, but I couldn't write a paragraph in 'Winston English' unless I was writing it with my teammates who wrote it with me! Instead, I'm going to let Auburn quarterback Nick Marshall explain what I thought of Winston's inspirational words following last night's game:

Adding "twerk", "YOLO", and eradicating the meaning of literally has already made the English language a laughingstock. But I mean, Famous Jameis, if you want to be taken seriously be me, please practice your public speaking skills along with your three step drops. Besides, if you have to go to court for another scandal down the road, you're going to find the English language very useful. (Also another mini prediction, look for hundreds, if not thousands of College Gameday signs taunting Winston's speaking skills next fall)

2. Brady Hoke Will Get Fired or Win a Division Title

The University of Michigan football team used to be one of the top programs in the country. Then, Rich Rodriguez happened, they stopped playing defense, and they forgot how to beat Ohio State. To ascent back to the top of the college football universe, they hired Brady Hoke. However, the Wolverine faithful are figuring out that Hoke is both figuratively (and much more literally) weighing them down. After spending more time eating chicken wings than preparing for the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl, Hoke is going to have even more pressure next fall. He has recruited well, but it's not translating to any success on the field. Michigan hasn't won a conference championship since 2004 and was only able to win a bowl game in Hoke's first season. With the new Big Ten alignment, a win over Ohio State could vault the Wolverines into the Big Ten title game. And that seems to me the only way Hoke keeps his job. 

3. Alabama Will Make the Playoff 

Nick Saban's and the Crimson Tide have lost two straight football games, AJ McCarron will be gone, the defense will lose some key players, and Auburn, Ole Miss, Texas A&M, and LSU can all compete with the Tide. All of those reasons, especially the first one, explain why Alabama will have success this fall. If you can believe Saban doesn't lay awake at night reliving the Chris Davis return (and more recently getting outcoached by Bob Stoops), you are too naive about Saban's outlook on life and football. Saban will spring the entire spring preparing for any possible outcomes he might face next year. What if Mike the Tiger escapes on to the sideline during their game at Baton Rouge? (I'll have two graduate assistants spaced 15 yards apart each carry a tranquilizer) What if my kicker misses three field goals again (I'll kick the damn ball myself) What if Johnny Manziel doesn't leave Texas A&M? (I'll kill him. I have no choice but to kill him) Nick Saban's drive to win will be even greater this fall, and when coupled with his threats to severely injure his players if they lose, look for the Crimson Tide to get the nod to participate in the playoff, even if Saban has to bribe a few committee members.

4. An Ohio State Buckeye Will Miss Games Due to a Suspension for Ecstasy Use

Wait, this already happened? Thanks Noah Spence! At least one of these will be right! (Actually, who am I kidding, number one is a guarantee, too).

5. UCLA Will Win the National Championship

Now, that may sound crazy. And I must admit, I nearly laughed as I typed it. That can't actually happen can it? Winston has another Heisman and championship locked up already. If not him, one of the mighty teams in Alabama will win it. Michigan State could be scary good. Oregon and Stanford both play in the Pac-12 and UCLA can't beat either of them. Well, nobody had Auburn making it all the way to Pasadena this year, and it's much more plausible for the team that plays in the Rose Bowl to make a run like that next year (Also, it's no fun to pick a team, like Bama or FSU, because everybody will pick them. Plus, if UCLA even makes it to the title game, you can bet I'll reference this January blog post to assert my sports knowledge dominance). Especially when you have a guy by the name of Brett Hundley. The kid got some major draft buzz this year, and he will likely be a top five pick if he has another solid season. When you combine his talent on offense, a stout UCLA defense, and Oregon and Stanford having to come to Los Angeles, UCLA will win the Pac-12, get into the playoff, and win it all.

Other Playoff Teams:

-Alabama: Talked about above.

-Florida State: As much as I knocked Jameis, the ACC is really bad and Florida State is really good. If they don't make it into the playoff I would be shocked.

-Oklahoma: The Sooners ended the season fire, and if Trevor Knight keeps playing like a capable quarterback, Oklahoma could be really, really good next year. 

J. Nave

The Quest for 35-0 (Part Three of Three)

Well, 35-0 seemed like a great goal a couple weeks ago. Now, I think I'll gladly settle with a couple games over .500. I've never personally liked picking bowl game (nor ever been that good at it) because there are so many variables. What team is going to show up motivated? What team just wants the bowl's goody bags? What team lost their head coach? What team suffered a last minute injury? Add in way too much time to analyze every game, and all of a sudden you understand why I'm not good at picking them. However, with the calender turning to 2014, maybe I'll have some new luck with my final round of bowl picks? Also, to additionally change my karma, I've decided to abandon the haikus. To replace them, I'll simply give a one sentence explanation for how each remaining bowl game will unfold. Happy New Year to all my readers, and let's start out 2014 undefeated!

24) Gator Bowl--- Georgia over Nebraska: Georgia's backup quarterback hands the ball off to Todd Gurley and makes fewer mistakes than Nebraska's backup quarterback.

25) Heart of Dallas Bowl--- North Texas over UNLV: I flipped a coin and got heads, so I'm picking the Mean Green.

26) Outback Bowl--- LSU over Iowa: SEC speed and Les Miles' trick plays lead to a close victory for the Tigers.

27) Capital One Bowl--- South Carolina over Wisconsin: I'm not picking against my own school, I hate Wisconsin, and Connor Shaw's bound to play well in his final game.

28) Rose Bowl--- Stanford over Michigan State: Was going to pick Sparty, but with the loss of the heat and soul of the defense (Max Bullough), I'm going with the Cardinal.

29) Fiesta Bowl--- Baylor over UCF: Bryce Petty and Blake Bortles are both great quarterbacks, but Baylor's offense wins the shootout.

30) Sugar Bowl--- Alabama over Oklahoma: I will not pick against Nick Saban, I will not pick against Nick Saban, I will not pick against Nick Saban.

31) Cotton Bowl--- Missouri over Oklahoma State: Missouri's offense shows the Cowboys why they got the invitation to join the SEC.

32) Orange Bowl---Ohio State over Clemson: (SPOILER ALERT: Breaking my one sentence rule here) In the game I had the most difficulty picking, I opted to pick the Buckeyes. Clemson's receivers SHOULD have a field day against the pathetic Ohio State secondary, but it is Clemson after all. Dabo makes some dumb decisions that let Ohio State escape with a win. Plus, I don't think Clemson can stop Braxton Miller, Carlos Hyde, and the Buckeye offense.

33) BBVA Compass Bowl--- Vanderbilt over Houston: Commodores use compasses, therefore they got the nod over the Cougars, who are completely unaware of what a compass is.

34) GoDaddy.com Bowl--- Ball State over Arkansas State: Parks and Recreation mentions Muncie, Indiana from time to time, so the team from that city is who I'm going with.

35) National Championship Game--- Auburn over Florida State: (Breaking my one sentence rule again) Magic? Destiny? Vodoo? I don't know how you want to explain what happened with the Auburn football team this year, but it's been one helluva ride for the Tigers. A miracle happened and then another miracle happened in the month of November for them, and then in the SEC championship, they won a game that should resemble the title game against a good Missouri team. Meanwhile, the Seminoles have steamrolled their way through heavy opponent behind the unbelievable play of Jameis Winston. So what happens this Monday? Auburn wins. How? They block a Florida State extra point in a game tied 38-38, and return it for a two points with three seconds on the clock to win 40-38. The Auburn magic continues, and the national title stays in the state of Alabama.

J. Nave

Bowl Record: 14-9 (through all bowl games played 12/31 and earlier)