Third Annual Super Bowl Prediction (By Previewing Absolutely Nothing Related to Football)

As unbelievable as this might sound, this blog is becoming quite old. This is my 49th post. We're nearing the third anniversary. This blog is so old if parents described the age of their children in the months this blog has been around, it would officially be weird (On a side note, what an odd societal practice in the first place, no matter the age. Parents, anything over 24 months, though, is extremely pretentious and probably an attempt to convince yourself your baby not being able to crawl with 4.4 speed, or whatever babies are supposed to do, like its peers is okay and not a sign of bad parenting). Thankfully, just in time to get some brand revitalization and momentum for the third year of the laughably incorrect predictions to come on this blog, Super Bowl 50 capstones the football calendar this week and affords an invaluable opportunity. 

For the observant and careful readers in the last paragraph, you are correct; for the first time ever, Roman numerals are not being used in notation for football's biggest stage. This was a drastic marketing disaster for the NFL because t-shirts with Super Bowl L(it) would've been best sellers. I guess Roger Goodell wasn't in the mood to be associated with yet another L. I can't blame him for that, but don't be afraid to take some risks ever once in awhile, Roger! Anyways, for the third time, we don't need the talking heads of the sports world to tell us who's going to win the Super Bowl. Simply by taking a look around the world at several important factors, I can give you a definitive winner (Actually, I'm only 1-1, but don't tell anybody. Plus, for this blog, that's a marvelous success rate). 

1. Coldplay

This year, Coldplay will be taking the stage in Santa Clara, California to perform at halftime. Are the late 1990s even calling to get this band back? Does Coldplay truly have fans? Has a Coldplay song been on the radio since 'Viva La Vida' back when I was in middle school? Is Roger Goodell trying to lure us all to sleep while he plans an Oceans level heist to become commissioner of all other leagues? Is Taylor Swift still recovering after her 1989 tour? Couldn't Kanye West and Wiz Khalifa have a rap battle? Was literally every other band on the planet busy? Is Beyonce supposed to fit in with Chris Martin? Is this Bill Belichick's favorite band and repayment for the whole Deflategate deal incident last year? Is this the doctor Concussion was based on's favorite band and repayment for the NFL's whole attitude towards that issue? Does the NFL think having a British band will let them put a team across the pond more seamlessly? Nobody wins this point. Fire Goodell. 

Carolina- 0 Denver- 0

2. Jim Nantz

With CBS broadcasting the Super Bowl, Jim Nantz will be on the call. Nantz, one of the most recognizable broadcasters in the world, has had some phenomenal last words at the conclusion of iconic games and tournaments. There is also nothing in this world Jim Nantz loves more than Peyton Manning. In his first Super Bowl for CBS, the Peyton Manning led Colts beat the Bears. Now, in what could potentially be the final game of Peyton Manning's career, Nantz is set to be on the call. That can't be just a coincidence, right? If the Eastern European syndicate from Taken stole Nantz' daughter instead of Liam Neeson's, there wouldn't have been a movie. Jim would have kidnapped Peyton to frolic off into the sunset together, dreaming of a life full of endless interviews and Nationwide jingles day after day. That's how much Jim Nantz loves this man! God, or at least the lawyers who drew the media contracts up to let the Super Bowl schedule fall across the networks as such, really, really wants Manning to win. First point, goes to Denver. 

Denver: 1          Carolina: 0

3. Dabbing

While he may not have been the first athlete to incorporate the trend into an athletic celebration, Cam Newton sure did embrace the "dance move" and elevate the action to a societal mainstay. A Tennessee fan accused Newton of being a classless embarrassment for the NFL following a lengthy touchdown dance capped with the move, and the rest has gone onto become one of the most fun chapters in Panther's history. The whole Panthers team has been dabbing on the way to 17 wins. Hilary Clinton dabbed on air with Ellen. Kids in Charlotte know a dab by Newton means one of them is going home with a football. It might not last long into 2016, as "Running Off On The Plug" and countless other moves seem ready supplant the touchdown mainstay. But hey, props to Cam for finding something to market and for virtually becoming a more frequent Santa Claus. 

Denver: 1          Carolina: 1

4. Papa John's  

Speaking of marketing, what NFL player does a better job of making his impact on television than Peyton Manning. He was hilarious as a host of Saturday Night Live way back in the day. He loves Chicken Parmesan and every seven syllable phrase thanks to Nationwide. But most importantly, he could retire today, launch his own copycat pizza company called "Papa Peyton's", and run poor John out of business. If he upgraded the company's average product, gave customers more garlic sauce, and continued a promotion of Garlic Knots with Jim Nantz (?!?!?!?), he'd run the entire industry out of business. Cam Newton seems poised to seize several more endorsement deals and commercials down the line, but nothing today is more American than pizza... So Denver gets the point.

Denver: 2          Carolina: 1

5. Superior City? 

As a college student soon to enter the job market, I'm always looking into possible places to launch a career after graduation (A contingency should I not get an offer to run my own show on ESPN, NBC, or the first sports talk show to air on Netflix). Both of these cities seem pretty damn cool. To test this assumption, I did what any intelligent millennial would do: Go to Reddit and let the Internet's most helpful users support my claim. Here are some of the finest persuasive statements:  

"... It would be very hard to not like Denver. Was there for NYE and it was 18 degrees and it was still awesome. Food, breweries, distilleries, the legal weed, amazing outdoors activities... I would live there."

"Denver is more dense and has better transportation & urban development (if you're into that lifestyle). There is also the marijuana legislation, so if you do that it's obviously a better choice."

"Honestly, I'm really liking Charlotte. We have a beer scene that rivals Denver's. There are all sorts off outdoorsy things to do here. We have a beach within a couple hours drive. Both cities seem to really value their appearance."

"(Charlotte) is wonderful, and has so much more to offer than where I moved from. The weather's great, there's mountains 2 hours away, the ocean 3 hours away, a bunch of neat restaurants and shops, and polite people all around."

This is a tough one. Mountains and marijuana versus metropolis and location. The most reputable sources on the Internet even seem torn on the matter. I've never been to Denver, but the Rocky Mountains are unquestionably a gorgeous backdrop for life. Charlotte also calls its downtown, Uptown. Little bourgeois of the Queen City if you ask me. It might be hard to breathe, but I'm going to make this sacrifice for the breathless views and give the point to Denver. Unlike most of their games, Carolina is off to a slow start. 

Denver: 3          Carolina: 1

6. Six-One-Four

The Carolina Panthers have four starters who attended The Ohio State University. In a giant bout of homegrown Buckeye Bias, that has to count for something. Kurt Coleman has been a thief in the secondary. Ted Ginn Jr. and "Philly" Brown have turned into two of the league's most surprising playmakers this season. Andrew Norwell is a beast on the offensive line that helped the Panthers develop a league-leading running game. The Denver Broncos have one starter who attended The Ohio State University. That player is Bradley Roby. In what should have been the final game of his career, the 2014 Orange Bowl against Clemson, Roby sat out in what has widely been perceived as "draft stock insurance." Watkins would catch 16 passes for over 200 yards to give the Tigers a win. In a giant bout of both Gamecock Pride and Buckeye Bias, that is inexcusable if true. We'll never know for certain if he actually had an injury, and Roby is an incredible player, but the advantage here goes to the Panthers either way. 

Denver: 3          Carolina: 2

7. Fast Food

Two years ago, one of the definitive factors of my prediction was grounded in Chipotle being headquartered in the Mile-High City. Even with its E.coli scandal, there is no better quick service burrito option. I'd rather risk eating at Chipotle than convince myself Moe's or Qdoba is a more viable option because of the presence of queso. However, since that time, I've discovered a fast food restaurant based in Charlotte that pushes the integrity fueled Mexican food down a step to the silver medal. This magical place is called Bojangles. The best chicken fingers on the planet, the indescribable taste that is found in every bite of Bo-Berry biscuits, the sweetest sweet tea in the south, and just about everything else on the menu has turned this mecca of southern fast food into a dietary staple of mine. Sure, it might not payoff in the long run for my health, but I'm Bo-Sizing this paragraph right now and giving the prediction formula, tying point to the Panthers. 

Denver: 3          Carolina: 3

8. Personal Intangible 

No matter who wins Super Bowl 50, the story writes itself for sportswriters everywhere. Either Peyton Manning gets a career defining victory for a franchise that nearly abandoned all faith in him a couple months ago, or the Panthers cement themselves as a contender for years to come behind Cam Newton and an insanely athletic defense. So who gets the edge from me? The team I now support. 

Last week, I officially declared my independence from my Browns' fandom. I've watched the Panthers play nearly every Sunday in the fall and reaped the benefits of discounted Krispy Kreme Doughnuts on far too many Mondays ($4 for a dozen in the Carolinas). So yeah, I'm on board. This means for the first time in my lifetime, "my team" is playing in the Super Bowl. If the success rate for professional sports teams I support continues to impact the Panthers, they will lose- and probably in embarrassing fashion. But something about this team feels special. It won't be easy to beat Manning-Nantz in what could be their final act together, but if anybody can do it, it's this team that couldn't gain the respect they deserved all season long. 

Keep Pounding, Panthers. Oh, and Krispy Kreme, how about a free dozen for a Carolina win?

Carolina: 24    Denver: 13

J. Nave 

Expand or Die: The Necessity of Revolution in the College Football Playoff

When third string quarterback Cardale Jones led Ohio State to victories over Alabama and Oregon, a popular tale about the massively improved way of crowning a champion in major college football was shouted throughout the sports world. Considering the two title game participants would have been left out had the BCS system still been in place, this was a logically derived conclusion. Four teams were better than two. Humans were better than computers. Everything seemed to be pointing in the right direction, unless you were a fan of TCU or Baylor. Now, with two years of semifinals in the books though, there seem to be some disturbing trends with the existing format. While empirically four games is a minuscule sample size, the easiest solution is to expand the playoff's structure as quickly as possible to eight teams because the selection committee was given an impossible task with how the college football season is perceived.

In the United States' judicial system, precedence serves an important role in determining how to handle the outcome of cases. The courts follow codified laws set forth by the government, draw back on the stipulations set forth by previous opinions, and even dissenting statements can be cited during a court's ruling later down the line. The College Football Playoff committee has its laws set in place, yet a severe lack of precedence. To compensate, strict adherence to the constitution has been the route through the first two years. This has arguably led to two major mistakes on determining the "top four teams" in college football, which is ultimately the purpose of the committee. Last year, it was Florida State. A 13-0 record, ACC championship, and the prestige of being defending champion vaulted the Seminoles into the playoff. However, after nearly a half dozen games won late in the fourth quarter against less than stellar opponents in conference play, Oregon embarrassed them. This year, it was Michigan State. A 12-1 mark, Big Ten championship, and wins over Oregon and Ohio State gave the Spartans a stellar resume. However, after escaping with a win over Michigan courtesy of the most fortuitous play in college football history and losing to 5-7 Nebraska, Alabama shut them out. A blowout game should be a rarity with the teams selected for the playoff should the committee be doing their job correctly. Was the writing on the wall with some of the events that took place during the regular season? Perhaps, with Vegas pegging the aforementioned winners by comfortable spreads. 

So why should a move to eight happen? The College Football Playoff committee's website says the four team playoff is ideal because it, "preserves the best regular season in sports and protects America’s rich bowl tradition." Furthermore, "it goes just the right distance and respects the academic calendar while limiting the number of games played by student-athletes." There is a litany of issues with these rationales:

1. The college football regular season will not be changed by doubling the amount of teams contending for a championship- Only about 6% of teams will qualify for a slot, far less than about every other league on Earth. It will only keep more fan bases invested throughout the fall and give even less merit to those complaining their team was left out as they were likely given plenty of opportunities during conference play to earn an opportunity.
2. Rich bowl tradition? More bowls get added every year. Teams with losing records qualified for bowl games this years. Attendance at nearly 90% of bowl games is in the few hundreds, if not less. Essentially, every bowl not determining the champion is a consolation anyways. Tradition outside of the Rose Bowl is dead. 
3. Respects the academic calendar? First games can be played the third Saturday in December. Most years, the first bowl games are played then anyways. The second and third fall into their current positions on the calendar. It baffled me and nearly insulted me the website thought this defense was reasonable. 
4. The student athlete label is nothing more than an a redundantly failed, borderline oxymoronic defense to the intentions of the NCAA. Rescheduling final exams isn't a problem for myself in many of my courses. I'm sure eight universities wouldn't have an issue with accommodating their football players through this process. Especially if it leads to higher interest in enrolling in their university after a postseason run in one of collegiate athletics' two biggest sports.
5. Safety is the only respectable defense against playing an additional game. There was a major motion picture made about one of the sport's biggest health epidemics. But with two weeks off in between the final three playoff games, there would be an increased amount of recovery time compared to the regular season. 

As for the impossibility of selecting the top four teams, look no further than the headlines and discussions that have taken place about college football this week. The result of a bowl game apparently determines about 95% of the perception on whether a team's season was a success or a failure. Three weeks ago, the consensus was the selection committee selected the top four teams without flaw. On social media, analysts are now proclaiming Clemson, Alabama, Stanford, and Ohio State were the top four teams this season. Michigan State and Iowa are proof the Big Ten will live on in irrelevancy until the end of days. Oklahoma served as another chapter in the age old narrative about the lack of anything resembling defense existing in the Big 12. 

Postseason play in sports determines whether a team wins a championship or not, and as a result, it determines the legacy of that year's team. But to the extent of one bowl game erasing the importance of the previous 12 or 13 games in college football is almost laughable. All three teams had fantastic seasons. Nothing should be taken away from them. Suggesting they didn't belong in the playoff or playoff conversation after their final game of the season is insulting to the players. Teams have poor showings all the time, and for the Spartans, Hawkeyes, and Sooners, they just so happened to suffer the consequences in the most paramount game of their seasons. One of those consequences should not be a label of overrated from the sports media, but sadly that's not the case. 

The funny things is, you won't see this line of thinking in any other sport. Should the Panthers or Broncos lose their first playoff game, credit will be given to the winning team on an incredible performance. It would be asinine to label either Carolina or Denver as fraudulent teams. The same thing goes for playoff series in the MLB, NBA, or NHL. Why not college football? My best guess is conference pride, exuberated most audibly by fans of the schools in the SEC, but seen at a level in all corners of the country. Conference bowl records suddenly become the most important measuring stick of an entire season. Yet again, to have such sweeping conclusions drawn from one week of the season is severely statistically flawed, but for some reason, the competition annually rages on. You won't see Ravens fans supporting a Steelers' run to the Super Bowl for AFC North pride. You won't see Red Sox fans rooting for the Yankees to win another world series for the AL East. But for some unexplainable reason, you bet it matters if Nebraska beats UCLA and Auburn beats Memphis in a third tier bowl game. College football fans, we ought to be better than this. Let's stop practicing this personally unfathomable way of thinking and respect the players on our teams. (Expanding the playoff officially kills multiple birds with one stone)

The criterion used to rank teams by the committee won't change. There's no better objective procedure out there. However, with only room for four teams, a Power Five conference champion will continue to be left out. Last year, as a Buckeye fan, I would've been terrified should Ohio State have been matched up against TCU, one of the Big 12's co-champion. This year, I'm sure Clemson or Alabama fans wouldn't want to defend Christian McCaffrey University, the Pac 12 champions. At the end of the day, that's why the amount of teams the committee can put into field needs to double as soon as possible. Both teams deserved the right to play for a championship. They might get blown out like the 2014 Seminoles or 2015 Spartans, but depriving them of an opportunity is highway robbery. TCU (and Baylor, the other conference co-champion) and Stanford have legitimate gripes because of the four team model. Teams ranked #9 in the final ranking likely would not have nearly as much of a justifiable claim. Five conference champions and three wildcard teams. It sounds too easy. If you're not sold, just take a look at the matchups we were deprived of by not having this format: 

(1) Clemson vs. (8) Notre Dame: A rematch of one of the best games of the college football season? Sign me up. Who knows how that plays out in monsoon free conditions. 
(2) Alabama vs. (7) Ohio State: A rematch of the 2014 semifinal. The two teams with the most NFL Draft talent. Saban versus Meyer again. 
(3) Michigan State vs. (6) Stanford: Old school football at its finest. Pac 12 champ vs. Big Ten champ. The Rose Bowl as it was intended. 
(4) Oklahoma vs. (5) Iowa: Heartland battle between two contrasting styles.

Subjectively ranking one conference champion ahead of another needs to be eliminated. Many believe the committee has messed this up through the first two years of the playoff already. Who knows how many more times this mistake will be made in the years going forward if the magic number remains at four. I do know, however, that every year well grounded complaints about the committee's selection will be preached after the conclusion of the bowl games. Erase this pressure, give fans more football, and allow more programs the chance to participate in the chase for a championship. 

If this circulates to every corner of the Internet and a high ranking official of the NCAA ends up reading my thoughts and the feelings of so many others? Ignore everything else. Except the line below:
Current Format: $$$$$$ for you. Eight Team Format: $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ for you. 

J. Nave