Making the Case for Why the Golden State Warriors Deserve Bronze

As an amateur sports blogger with the erratic work ethic of a college student, I've realized the importance of picking your battles. Over the past few months, I've taken an attitude of brinkmanship towards writing about the Golden State Warriors. With a 68-7 record and the remaining schedule in front of them, it's becoming almost a guaranteed certainty that the Bay Area's team finishes with the best record in NBA history. For that reason alone, I can no longer sit idly by and let the mainstream sports media have its monopolistic narrative lauding tireless praise. The title of this post might lead you to believe I'm going to attempt to belittle the Warriors' successes and rationalize how a team like the San Antonio Spurs or my Cleveland Cavaliers can win a seven game season. That, however, is not the point at all. I'm essentially conceding any glimmer of hope the NBA Finals will be a compelling series from a competitive standpoint. The point of this post is to desperately try to think of reasons why this team isn't the most perfectly assembled bunch in the history of basketball, and in the process, create a karmic case for this team deserving to fall flat on its face in the playoffs. 

1. Riley Curry

After Matthew Dellavedova played like a destroyer of worlds when guarding the 2015 NBA MVP in the first three games of last year's title game, the Warriors, led by Steph Curry, flipped over the table and crushed the Cavaliers in the final three contests. With that, the renewed media love affair with the entire Curry clan returned with a feverish vengeance. At the center of the picture was Curry's daughter, Riley. Sure, there were some cute and adorable moments on the road trip to a Warriors' championship, but the attention over the course of last summer got borderline exhausting. She's might only be three years old, but after one web search I discovered she somehow has her own Wikia page?!?!?!?!?  http://nbafamily.wikia.com/wiki/Riley_Curry. It's a pathetic page, but that's still absurd all things considered. We should be better than that, world. Perhaps her tears after a defeat to the Spurs in the conference finals will wash away this cringe inducing obsession from the face of the Earth. 

2. Draymond Green and his Path to Sobriety

Last year during Golden State's victory parade, Draymond Green was working on turning his BAC into an impressive points per possession figure. Let's fast forward to June and imagine Draymond after the Warriors win back to back titles AND eclipse the Chicago Bulls' record. He might die of alcohol poisoning. The world can't let that happen, right? It would be such a tragic ending to such a legendary story. When the Trail Blazers end the Warriors' season in April, Draymond will have plenty of time for margaritas and Dos Equis on the beaches of Cabo at a moderate pace.

3. Steph Curry vs. His Baby Face

The basketball hoop is afraid of Steph Curry's jumper when the man crosses half court. He can pull up with confidence from anywhere, and that's one of the reasons why as one sharpshooter to another I have a tremendous amount of respect for him. Why do I bring this up? There is a strong correlation between what I described above and the attitudes between Curry's face and a razor blade. From a purely objective standpoint, the best three point shooter in NBA history does not pull off his facial hair at all. The "Baby Faced Assassin" phase from Davidson is responsible for Curry's first step to basketball stardom. Go back to how you looked then, man. I want to see you continue making shots that should have no business going in, but at what price I ask? At what price? Use some of your money from Under Armour to buy a razor when your offseason begins earlier than anyone expected.

4. The Year of the Raptor? 

Very few basketball pundits are picking against the Cavaliers in the Eastern Conference playoff field. But there are a lot of signs both on and off the court that the Raptors could derail a Finals' rematch. First off, Kyle Lowry has torched the Cavs every time the two teams have played this season. DeMar DeRozan has developed into a more than capable two guard. The x-factor might be the possible return of DeMarre Carroll in the NBA Finals, a player who can harass LeBron on defense. Off the court, the signs are just as telling. The 6ix hosted the All Star game to rave reviews thanks to one of the most entertaining duels in slam dunk contest history. In the NHL, not a single Canadian team is poised to make the playoffs so the Raptors should expect a massive influx of fans here in the coming weeks. However, the team's global brand ambassador, Aubrey Drake Graham, titled his most popular track of the past year "Back to Back." Did that clinch the Warriors another championship? Or was it actually written to foreshadow the moment where it would ironically blare through the Air Canada Centre when the Raptors' pull off a monumental upset?

5. SportsCenter's Intolerable and Ceaseless Coverage

In the time it's taken me to get to this point with my writing, SportsCenter has tweeted about Curry's escapades of today four times. Chris Broussard, Stephen A. Smith, and forty two other analysts have said his name in the time it's taken you to read this sentence deep inside the mothership palace in Bristol, Connecticut. Once the Warriors bow out in the playoffs, ESPN will have to find away to fill 14 hours of coverage a day. But could that be a part of an omniscient plan that will start just in the nick of time for the network to air Tim Tebow's campaign coverage as he becomes the presidential nominee at the contested Republican National Convention (http://time.com/4275653/tim-tebow-running-for-office-politics/)? We'll have to wait and see. (Yes, I know he isn't old enough to be president. But maybe we'll make a constitutional exception as a country when he realize he's a better choice than any alternative)

6. Another Warriors Title Would Ruin the NBA

The last and definitively most important reason the Warriors cannot win another championship is because the entire fabric of the Association would be eradicated and collapse on itself. How can this be, you ask? Follow me for a minute. The Warriors, after completing one of the greatest seasons in sports history, realize their roster is going to go through a state of upheaval because they simply can't resign all their parts. How do they cope with this? By replacing several smaller pieces with a top three player in the NBA by the name of Kevin Durant. The Splash Brothers and Durant form an indomitable big three that wins the West with ease over any other team for several seasons to come. LeBron James, after another failed quest to bring his hometown a championship, bolts to play in the bright lights of a bigger city in the East with his best friends fearing he might never win another title. Carmelo/Dwayne Wade/CP3/LeBron are set on a collision course with Golden State 2.0 and no other storyline in the rest of the NBA matters. The Spurs valiantly fight to stay relevant and add another title to their dynastic run, but the fossils of an again Tim Duncan and Tony Parker are the only signs of a slaughter they can't overcome. Simultaneously, realizing they have absolutely no shot at competing with either team, all other 27 teams in the NBA engage in a Mad Max style tanking battle royale. The NBA standings consist of two 82 win teams, while the next closest competitor finishes more than 55 games back. Ticket representatives for the Pelicans begin paying fans to show up for week night games against the Jazz and Bucks. Charles Barkley spends all his hours in the NBA on TNT studio desperately trying to remember what the league he once played in was like.

So, as unlikely as it is to occur, the universe and any and all possible higher beings must interfere in the happenings of sports over the next two months. The 2015-2016 Warriors will never be forgotten. But a second championship for this beautifully assembled basketball team might just cause the NBA to experience an eternal purgatory from which there is no return to light, hope, and happiness. As basketball fans, there remains only one thing we can do. Pray, plead, and purportedly plaster the Crying Jordan meme on every picture of Steph Curry we can find. 

J. Nave 

The Fourth Annual March Madness Preview of Previews

For the fourth year in a row, I decided to post my bracket on the Internet for all to make fun of me here in a few days. Out of a possible 12 Final Four teams in the past, I've selected 3 correctly. Not exactly the best track record. Bracket is below, and here are ten observations about the tournament.

1. Virginia is my national champion for a variety of reasons. The Cavaliers defend at a high level, they now have a sneaky efficient offense to go alongside with the packline defense, they have a player in Malcolm Brogdon who can hit shots down the stretch, they have some players with really cool hair, they can't lose to Michigan State again (right?..), and they have a coach in Tony Bennett who is due for NCAA tournament success with the program he's built.

2. Seton Hall's guards won me over in the Big East Tournament. Almost picked them to beat the Spartans. Guard play always seems key in the tournament, and Khadeen Carrington and Isaiah Whitehead can flat out ball. Wichita State falls into the same category with Ron Baker and Fred Van Vleet.

3. Not seeing too many upsets early on. Very few one seeds won their conference tournament which likely corresponds to a hot stretch over a few days, rather than a team capable of beating some really good teams at the top of the bracket. Also, some of the teams on the 4/5 line were grossly underseeded. Look for Hawaii, Yale, or Chattanooga should anybody be able to get it done.

4. The East region is going to provide some fantastic basketball. North Carolina, Indiana, Kentucky, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Xavier? It's going to be a gauntlet with some of the sport's most historic programs. Went with the Musketeers because of Ohio bias, they have a lot of quality depth on the bench, and they never seem to bow out early in the tournament. Xavier's never made the Final Four before, but this might be the best team in school history. They won't be intimated by any of the blue bloods in the region, and I don't think enough people give the Big East 2.0 enough credit as a basketball conference.

5. Keep an eye on all the Big 12 team's in the tournament. All year, it's been lauded as the best conference, and with how the bracket ended up, Kansas, Oklahoma, and West Virginia could all be playing in Houston. Or, they could all be going home before the first weekend because this season has taught us no team should be considered a safe bet.

6. The West region is going to be an absolute crapshoot. UNC Wilmington could beat Duke. I took Yale to beat Baylor. I considered Cincinnati (or Saint Joseph's) to beat Oregon. Oklahoma is one bad Buddy Hield game away from going home. Are we sure Texas A&M is good? They definitely were overseeded. Can Shaka Smart lead Texas to a Final Four? Went with the best player in the region, but it wouldn't surprise me if a team comes out of the left field to win one of the wackiest regions in recent memory.

7. Maryland and California in the second round could provide fans with a peek at a lot of future NBA talent. The winner of that hypothetical game would draw Kansas, should the Jayhawks be able to get by a Connecticut team that is hitting its stride at the right time. Villanova has a lot of motivation to redeem an early exit last year. Miami has a lot of veteran players and one of the most underrated basketball minds in the country as their coach. What does this all mean in the South region? Kansas, the most popular pick to win it all, won't get it done without some tough trials along the way before the Final Four. But Bill Self's team hasn't lost since January, so I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt.

8. I hate only having Kentucky winning one game. Tyler Ulis is going to be a great late first round pick by the Cleveland Cavaliers in the 2016 NBA Draft, Jamal Murray is one of the tournament's best pure scorers, and John Calipari sold his soul to the devil to make sure his NBA bound players haunt the tournament for as long as possible. Indiana might be my favorite team to watch play in the entire country this season, though. The Hoosiers jack up threes at an absurd rate, Yogi Ferrell embodies everything a college basketball player should be for his program, and they managed to win a Big Ten title without one of their best players- All with one of the most inconsistent in-game coaches in the game today at the helm. If there's one game in the entire tournament I want to watch, it's Kentucky/Indiana. So Stony Brook and Chattanooga, don't mess this up.

9. Running out of time...

10. Leonardo DiCaprio has an Oscar. Donald Trump might be our president. The Golden State Warriors are going to break one of sport's most historic records. 2016 has been crazy. So when a 16 seed beats a 1 seed this year, just embrace the craziness. The world has lost its collective mind. The NCAA Tournament never makes sense anyways, so I can't wait to watch the tournament in the unbalanced universe we now live in.

J. Nave