An Investigation: Could The Newsroom Have Saved the 2016 Election?

Remember that video you probably saw shared on Facebook where some impassioned guy explains his thesis of why America isn't the greatest country in the world?

Those few minutes are the opening scene of the HBO series, The Newsroom. I would imagine half of you reading this are aware of this fact, but I would wager an exceptionally smaller percentage of you have watched the show. I joined the man delivering that monologue, Will McAvoy (played by Jeff Daniels), on his self-proclaimed mission to civilize this summer and knocked out all three seasons in two weeks. 

However, the point of this isn't to make a case for why you should watch the show. The point of this isn't to endorse a candidate, either. As I previously explained, #ImWithLin. Also, I'm not Tomi Lahren so obviously nobody would care about my opinion anyways. 

Rather, I want to draw attention to another critical scene, especially in light of the presidential election that has consumed every fiber of our society. Before proceeding, spend three minutes watching McAvoy lay out a primary debate proposal for ACN, his employer and a fictional news syndicate. The show's revisionist history format aired this episode after the unfolding of the 2012 Republican nomination process. This same formula of talking about previous and real events was used for much of the show's material and subsequent commentary.

Now, before I go any further, I realize the irony of suggesting a fictional television show could have saved the Republican Party from a reality television star, let alone the practicality of this sort of event being implemented. Neither political party would be thrilled about having their candidates essentially taking the stand with no defense counsel, and network executives would be concerned about potential backlash and protests from hardcore allegiances.

I also realize Donald Trump ended up winning the Republican nomination by a resounding margin. The Trump Train annihilated every politician in its path. While a definitely rabid group of conservatives flocked to the real estate mogul, many others begrudgingly waved the white flag and hopped on board for the sake of party unity or were terrified at the nomination of the literal antithesis to what Republicans identified as necessary characteristics to stand a chance at winning a general election following Mitt Romney's defeat in 2012. In those primaries, Trump's support ranged from about 35-40%. Due to one soundbite after another, support seemed to stagnate at that figure indicating little to no chance for Republicans to take back the White House. 

But imagine for a moment if instead of allowing discussions about anatomy and conspiracy theories to take up precious time during the primary debates, a disciplined moderator forced Donald Trump and the other dozen plus GOP candidates to obey his or her rules and answer the questions to produce a much needed vetting process. Ridiculous, unsubstantiated claims would have been thrown out, not praised. Coming up with nicknames for opponents would be labeled as sophomoric and desperate, not a groundbreaking way of calling it as it is. Attempts to attack the debate hosts and hijack the agenda would have been quelled, not encouraged for entertainment purposes. 

Sure, the veteran television character in Trump might have still been successful in turning the debates into spin offs of The Apprentice, but I'm sure now many conservatives wish a fight had been put up to preserve some dignity. Now it looks like the Republicans handed Hillary Clinton the Oval Office on a silver platter.

The possible effects had the Republicans embraced this philosophy? Maybe the third presidential debate this week would have time dedicated to the ramifications of insurers leaving the marketplace for Obamacare instead of who is "most fit" to be president. Maybe there would be a question about the candidate's plans to build on the joint operation in Mossul instead of determining whether a growing number of claims of sexual harassment are true. Maybe after the preceding town hall, we would have woken up the next morning inspired by a candidate's policy proposal and succinct plan to actually Make America Great Again instead of being obsessed with some guy named Ken Bone and instinctively purchase a red sweater.

Most importantly, maybe this upcoming debate would serve as an opportunity for a stellar performance by a Republican candidate that comes to foreshadow a victory against an unpopular, scandal riddled Democratic candidate. Instead, there's seemingly nothing in the immediate future of the GOP besides an opportunity for a final nail in the coffin for an even more unpopular, scandal riddled Republican candidate against the opposition.

In an election with massive implications for the economy, Supreme Court, and wall enthusiasts, shouldn't winning said election be the main, if not the only, goal in mind for a political party when presenting options for its nominee? It appears Republicans somehow arrived at a severe and fatal miscalculation that equaled nothing but fodder for John Oliver and Seth Meyers. If only some leaders within the GOP decided to watch The Newsroom instead of making several trips to Westeros things could have been different...

J. Nave

25 Observations From the First Month of College Football

Due to various commitments of my senior year of college, my posting output this season has been a tailor-maid metaphor for the offensive production of the South Carolina football team. This is personally unacceptable. My job search must start to take second fiddle to this blog. The establishments in Five Points must survive without frivolous donations from my checking account. My professors will need to start excusing my absences in support of my pursuit of the literary arts and creative expression far too lacking in our world today.

However, this hiatus severely diminished my craft when I started the brainstorming process for this post. Coming up with a quality topic to analyze, writing the occasional joke or two, and throwing a motivational call to action on top was a hat trick I'm not ready to complete yet. Thus, I made a decision to regress back to the minor leagues with my writing. 

How does one do this? By stylizing and formatting in a way that is always prominently featured on Buzzfeed. This goes against every fiber of my being and is a direct violation of my morals and ethics, but I made a stipulation to not include any GIFs which will hopefully allow me to live with myself after publishing this. 

Without adding any more content to my introduction that isn't clickbait, you won't believe the 25 observations I've observed during the first month of the college football season that I've observed!!!

1. Lamar Jackson is the best athlete to ever play collegiate football.

2. Saying Lamar Jackson is the best athlete to every play collegiate football is maybe a hot take, but then again maybe it's not? That is powerful evidence for his case. There are people who adamantly believe our world is flat. Go poke holes in their logic rather than mine. The Louisville quarterback, should his production continue at this similarly alarming rate only rivaled by the disappearance of bees, will win the Heisman this year. Probably next year, too. And then either the Super Bowl or a third Heisman the year after that. This is Lamar Jackson's world, and we're all just living in it. 

3. Louisville deserved to lose to Clemson. Bobby Petrino did an interview in a neck brace when he was the coach at the University of Arkansas following a motorcycle accident that subsequently exposed an affair he was having with an athletic department intern. IT'S ALSO THE FIRST PICTURE THAT COMES UP WHEN YOU GOOGLE HIS NAME! Then six of the next seven are also him in the aforementioned neck brace. His team should never win a national title as a result of this horrible chain of past transgressions. 

4. Alabama's still really good? Never mind, that doesn't count. We all knew that already. 

4. Alabama beat USC 52-6 in the opening week of the season even after scoring zero points in the first quarter. This is further evidence Nick Saban coaches college football solely for the joy he harvests from the crushed hopes and dreams of children and puppies. Since then, Alabama got sweet, seersucker revenge on Ole Miss and seems primed to beat the perceived cream of the crop in the SEC on their way to another trip to Atlanta. 

5. Tennessee played a football game at a NASCAR track, and somehow that has ended up being the least exciting game of their season to date. It's a bold strategy to rely on divine intervention to beat Appalachian State and a really bad Georgia team, but they're 5-0 so more power to them. 

6. Actually, no power to them. Tennessee's head coach Butch Jones literally went over and initiated himself into the Appalachian State post game huddle and congratulated the Mountaineers after they lost to Jones' team in overtime. If you coach in the SEC, you should know your place. Jones obviously doesn't know his. Hopefully Texas A&M will beat the hell out of Tennessee this week. 

7. Ohio State and Michigan appear to be on a collision course to play a game in late November that may shift the balance of power in this country more than the upcoming presidential election. On the opposite end of the spectrum, even if both teams would somehow manage to lose the rest of their games before then, it will still provide more entertainment and passion than the recent Mike Pence-Tim Kaine debate. 

8. Speaking of Ohio State, I recently learned Curtis Samuel is on pace to be the first player in FBS history with both 1,000 yards receiving and rushing in the same season . If Lamar Jackson decided to return to Krypton in the next couple weeks, the lovechild of Reggie Bush and Percy Harvin should receive far more mentions in the Heisman conversation.

9. I picked Notre Dame to make the College Football Playoff back in August. Looking back on that terrible decision, I've come to realize that may be worst prediction in the history of this blog. That is really saying something. I picked Creighton to make the Final Four in 2014 for God's sake.

10. Picking Notre Dame to make the Playoff was really a dumb manifestation of a pipe dream of mine to hopefully expand the postseason to include more than four teams by like next season. Jesus, even in touchdown form, doesn't appear to support the Irish fulfilling this dream. Luckily, Jesus does appear to have some sort of allegiance to upholding the integrity of college football fan because he gave us Tom Herman and the Houston Cougars in their stead.

11. Houston is undefeated. Houston is bordering on elite on both sides of the ball. Houston gets to play Louisville in November. Should Greg Ward Jr. and Houston pull off that victory, I'm saying there's a serious chance of a Group of Five school making the Playoff this year. My pipe dream lives on. 

12. Don't let this blog post distract you from the fact the Golden State Warriors and unanimous MVP blew a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals to the Cleveland Cavaliers. They'll quest to replicate this feat with Kevin Durant will begin in only a matter of days.

13. The annual autumnal gift of Seattle, Washington is the Pumpkin Spice Latte. However, the city's college football team might be another pleasant offering this year. They pummeled Stanford last week, which was not only a program defining win, but also crucial fodder for Microsoft employees to use on discussion boards to attack their colleagues at Apple, Facebook, and Google down in Silicon Valley and feel a little bit better about their place in the cutthroat world that is the tech community. 

14. I highly doubt that scenario played out, but a huge part of me really hopes it did. 

15. September started with everybody anointing Texas and Charlie Strong for revolutionizing the two quarterback system in a perceived huge win against Notre Dame. Now, Charlie Strong might get fired should he lose to archrival Oklahoma on Saturday. It took less time for him to fall out of favor, move back into favor, and then slide back out of favor once more than Jaime Lannister. Or like any other character on Game of Thrones, really.

16. Les Miles won 77% of his games at LSU and that still wasn't enough for him to save his job. Can you imagine being that successful at your job and getting canned? College football is ruthless.

17. The administrators at LSU need to send a thank you letter to the Cincinnati Zoo for acting more ruthlessly in the past few months. Harambe won 99.9% of events in his life, and it wasn't enough for him to save his life... 

18. No more trite jokes. I promise. 

19. North Dakota State is receiving a lot of votes in the Associated Press poll. The funny thing is North Dakota State doesn't even play in the correct division of college football for them to be receiving votes. There are almost 100 teams in the FBS who are believed to be worse than the Bison. Let that sink in for a second.

20. Did it sink in? If so, I hope you realize why I think the Big Ten or Big 12 should seriously inquire about adding the Bison. Fargo is lovely this time of year. It's an underrated media market. High School Football in the state is on the rise. It's one state away from Mount Rushmore. They have a superb college hockey team. Recent Bison legend Carson Wentz is obviously on track to break every passing record in the NFL and win seven Super Bowls. It's a win-win, but with way more wins for all parties involved. Kick Purdue/Kansas out, bring in North Dakota State, and watch your conference's reputation eclipse the SEC overnight. 

21. This month, we'll get a clearer picture of who the true contenders are in the more open college football divisions, like the Big Ten West and ACC Coastal. Most importantly, though, we'll get to find out #WhoIsTheAccountant when Ben Affleck's new movie comes out. My guess? Batman. The accountant is Batman. 

22. This clown trend plaguing our country is bizarre, but it pales in comparison to the absurdity of this trend where players are dropping the ball just shy of the end zone and costing their teams a touchdown. Should a player at the wrong program do this in a crucial moment, we might see a mob chase that athlete with the same ferocity displayed by the group at Penn State trying to hunt down a clown spotted on their campus.

23. If there was a game played last Saturday night, but "Closer" wasn't played at a tailgate you attended earlier in the afternoon, did the game actually happen?

24. Miami and Nebraska are both undefeated. The college football historian in me is excited about those programs potentially recapturing their past glories. The college football fan of the 2010s in me is excited about watching those programs inevitably crash and burn perhaps as early as this weekend. 

25. Alabama, Ohio State, Clemson, and *fingers crossed/knock on wood* Houston will be the four participants in this season's College Football Playoff. It's what our country wants. It's what our country needs. You want actual thanks, Obama? Make this happen.

J. Nave