I'll be honest, though. My enthusiasm for the Super Bowl 51 preview was severely tampered when Green Bay's secondary depleted me the right to analyze how much of an impact Jordan Rodgers' success on The Bachelorette had in fueling the firestorm within his vilified, vengeance seeking brother. Fortunately, there's still plenty to dig into with the thriving culture of Atlanta matched up against the patriotic grit of the greater Boston area.
Like always, a best of seven series. May the best place win.
Chick Fil A vs. Dunkin Donuts
We have to begin with this titanic battle of fast food giants. One invented the chicken sandwich. The other so perfectly captures the spirit of its home Saturday Night Live wrote a sketch about the love affair between Boston and its preferred quick service breakfast provider.
There's also a big issue with each, though. Chick Fil A is closed on Sunday's, and although justification for this is perfectly valid, there's a preponderance of evidence behind the fact Sunday's are when you're most likely to crave waffle fries and Polynesian sauce. Meanwhile, Dunkin Donuts is a poor man's Tim Horton's. The United States can lose to Canada in hockey, sure. But fast food? That's about as un-American as you can get.
Atlanta- 1 New England- 0
Atlanta vs. The Departed
Outside of La La Land and Westworld, I'm not sure if there's been a pop culture phenomenon embraced the past few months with more fervor than Atlanta. The television show has a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Donald Glover, a creativity savant, serves at the helm of the show, so quality will likely only continue to build in future seasons. I wanted to watch a couple episodes to more accurately weigh in, but I'm currently on another pop culture binge for a post in the coming weeks (Stay tuned...).
Meanwhile, Boston has been the setting for so many classics in the past decade that I had severe difficulty selecting the most worthy contender. After some deliberation The Departed became the only choice. Mark Wahlberg, who I imagine bathes in chowdah, ramps up his hometown pride to a dangerous level. Matt Damon, also originally from Beantown, plays the most prototypical Boston movie genre character ever written. Leonardo DiCaprio spends the whole movie convincing people he's nawt a cawp. I'm Shipping Up to Boston is included in the trailer for God's sake!
The last sentence alone is enough to warrant a victory, but at this point in history, this isn't a contest.
Atlanta- 1 New England- 1
Bad and Boujee vs. Sweet Caroline
Although born in Brooklyn, Neil Diamond has become one of Boston's adopted son. The Red Sox use Sweet Caroline as an unofficial anthem to a level that would probably be annoying if it wasn't such a catchy song. Have you ever wondered who the song is about?. Back in 2011, Diamond stated his inspiration for the song was a picture of Caroline Kennedy, daughter of JFK. It may be hard to belt out how the times are so good, so good, however, when you realize Caroline was 11 years old at the time. A few years later, Diamond recanted his story and said the song was actually about his wife. Her name, Marsha, simply didn't flow nearly as well. Is this far more acceptable for warm to be touching warm? I vote no. Plus, Go Cubs Go is the catchier baseball song anyways.
You know what has no confusion in regards to its meeting? Rain drop, drop top, watch Matt Ryan hit Julio Jones on the post over the damn top. Migos, a truly authentic, Atlanta rap syndicate, created the dab. Their latest hit has been piped up all the way to the top of the charts, and when combined with new stadiums for the Braves and Falcons, their latest album, Culture, gives Georgia's capital a holy trinity unlike any other in the world.
Quavo, Takeoff, and Offset put the ATL back in the lead.
Atlanta- 2 New England- 1
Lady Gaga's Music Catalog
There are about a Million Reasons why the Patriots take this in a blowout. Tom Brady and Rodger Goodell's relationship is the definition of Bad Romance. Bill Belichick has the best Poker Face in the NFL. Gronk is unfortunately forced to Just Dance after this Super Bowl victory since he's sidelined with an injury. Chris Hogan is on the Edge of Glory should he deliver another huge game. The Paparazzi in the sports media loves the Patriots' success and scandals. The NFL masterfully crafted a Perfect Illusion from the Deflategate saga to distract the public from player safety issues. Oh, and Roger Goodell can only be reached via Telephone by New England's brass since he's too big of a coward to show his face in Foxboro.
She may be performing at halftime, but this battle is not going to make it six rounds. It's a knockout.
Atlanta- 2 New England- 2
The Colonies vs. The Confederate States of America
In keeping with the beliefs of vaunted historian Ron Swanson, the world would have only continued making mistakes without the actions of the New England football team's namesakes in the earliest years of our country. They fought. And they won.
Meanwhile, General Sherman's March to the Sea during the Civil War began after he forced an evacuation of Atlanta and subsequently eradicated the city.
One if by land, two if by sea, and a third point gives New England a lead.
Atlanta- 2 New England- 3
The 45th President of the United States' Twitter Account
On second thought, I'm not sure if anybody benefits from this...
Atlanta- 2 New England- 3
Better Story?
Atlanta- 2 New England- 4
NEW ENGLAND: 35 ATLANTA: 24
J. Nave
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