Regardless, you should know the drill at this point. We'll take a look at several off the field factors to arrive at a robust and scientific analysis for who will win the Super Bowl. For the haters and doubters for which there are many, this method is an extraordinary 2-2 at pegging the winner. Let's get that to an unfathomable 60 percent this year.
1. Dilly Dilly
Nothing unanimously unites Americans these days, but Bud Light has come about as close as you can get behind their Dilly Dilly campaign. These ads have dominated conversation during the NFL season, and they seem poised to have enough ammunition in the reserves to ensure Doritos and your other favorite Super Bowl advertising stalwarts end the night in the pit of misery. Philly rhymes with Dilly, and you can't dispute the fact that has to mean something. Philadelphia is also home to Wawa, and that's also a silly word that nobody truly understands that's been able to create a fervent obsession. Congratulations Eagles, you're actually getting two points for this category. Go get yourself a hoagie to celebrate making Athletic Acumen Super Bowl prediction history
New England: 0 Philadelphia: 2
2. The Process
Are you familiar with the idea of a polymath? It refers to an individual whose talents and areas of expertise are numerous. Benjamin Franklin, arguably the most important resident in the history of Philadelphia, was one. His many roles (according to the polymath of Internet encyclopedias, Wikipedia) include author, printer, political theorist, politician, freemason, postmaster, scientist, inventor, humorist, civic activist, statesman, and diplomat.
Philadelphia is currently home to a far more cultured renaissance man by the name of Joel Embiid. His many roles include basketball player, social media troll, on court troll, humorist, pettiness theorist, diplomat to Cameroon, and process inventor. If you find a way to one up one of our country's most legendary individuals, you earn your city's NFL team a point.
New England: 0 Philadelphia: 3
4. Rob Gronkowski had 69 receptions during the 2017 NFL season. This is the nicest stat in the NFL's nice history, and the most compelling and nicest evidence to date the Patriots are just nicely trolling us all.
New England: 1 Philadelphia: 3
5. Justin Timberlake
While researching this post, I learned Justin Timberlake is nearly four years younger than Tom Brady. I can't stop the feeling I'm wrestling of whether or not that makes sense or if that's the most unexpected thing I'll learn this year. Tom Brady is getting all the attention for seemingly having no intention of saying bye, bye, bye to football anytime soon at age 40, but Justin Timberlake brought sexy back more than a decade ago and he's still reinventing himself. It's gonna be May(be) his greatest accomplishment to date if his new Memphis inspired album charts well. Ageless wonders will be everywhere in Minneapolis this Sunday, and New England fans can rock their bodies at getting another point.
New England: 2 Philadelphia: 3
6. Amazon
Jeff Bezos' company has been in the news a time or two this year. Most recently, Amazon has been attached to a venture to fix health care, in addition to releasing their list for the 20 cities still in the running to land their second headquarters. Coincidentally both Boston and Philadelphia are finalists. Alexa, did Bezos arrange this Super Bowl to allow for the two cities to compete for his attention on a national stage? I assume we will never know for sure, but I do know Boston is apparently a heavy favorite according to betting markets. Another point for New England.
New England: 3 Philadelphia: 3
7. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Paddy Pub's motley crew of employees comprise arguably the strongest cast of a comedy this past decade. Not led by any one star, their chemistry, quirkiness, and ingenuity leads to a consistently, tremendous show. However, the show's inability to ever get the recognition and accolades it believes it deserves led it to actually satirize the matter (Season 9's The Gang Tries Desperately to Win an Award).
Sans Carson Wentz I feel like you could make the case the Eagles probably feel the same way. After being an underdog twice in a row on their home field, and now combined with New England's star power, you get the feeling few people think Philadelphia stands a chance. Just like Charlie, Dee, Mac, Dennis, and Frank, though, the team marches on delivering strong performance after strong performance. And just like the gang did in The Nightman Cometh, I like their chances to deliver on the biggest stage.
New England: 3 Philadelphia: 4
8. The 2006 Film, Invincible
The analogy comparing Nick Foles to Rocky Balboa and Tom Brady to Ivan Drago would have been too easy to make. In case, I want to focus on another sports movie centered on Philadelphia. Based on the true story of Vince Papale, Invincible is a manifestation of the blue collar attitude associated with the city.
Here's the issue, though. Mark Wahlberg was cast to play Papale in the movie. A man who bleeds clam chowder. A man who exudes a little too much Masshole. A man who left Super Bowl 51 early even though he's a diehard Patriots fan. In fact, let's dock both teams a point for their association with him.
New England: 2 Philadelphia: 3
9. The Game of Thrones Angle Literally Nobody Has Noticed
-Fact: Minneapolis won their Super Bowl bid behind a campaign marketing themselves as the north, which they correctly believed would get a boost from the resounding success of Game of Thrones. Thus, the Vikings became the Kings in the North.
-Fact: Philadelphia players and fans have worn dog masks in the past few weeks to embrace their underdog roles. Including when they defeated the Kings in the North who were forced to travel south to what they thought would be lands of familial love. After the Red Wedding and following important conquests in the future, House Bolton made it a point to pride around in direwolf heads.
-Fact: Philadelphia is now travelling north to invade the Kings of the North palatial home. House Bolton decided to claim the Stark's fortress of Winterfell for their own.
-Fact: The Kings of the North eventually took back their home against the sadistic Bolton's forces.
That seems like a foolproof, surface level theory proving the Philadelphia Eagles are House Bolton. That means some member of the Vikings (My bet is Teddy Bridgewater, who I think you could make the case is equal parts Arya and Jon Stark after his past eighteen months) is going to find a way to kill every last member of the Eagles' 53 man roster to let House Stark reclaim its home. That would make it easy for the Patriots to win the Super Bowl. The Eagles got two points for one category earlier, and I'm giving the Patriots the knockout win as a result of these eerie circumstances. I regret not dedicating 5,000 words to expanding on this. I'm basically passing up on a Pulitzer.
New England: 4 Philadelphia: 3
OFFICIAL PREDICTION: New England: 28 Philadelphia: 24
J. Nave
No comments:
Post a Comment