It's Finals Week here at the University of South Carolina. In honor of my difficult exams, my dedicated studying habits, and the last week of my first semester, I have decided to spend the next amount of my procrastination time talking to my loyal readers. Last time I graced you all with my presence, we talked about college basketball, and I made some horrible predictions about what teams will make the Final Four. But you know what, it's still December, so those teams have time to figure it out before March. We're gonna go back to football this week because the college football season got a helluva lot more entertaining over the past few weeks. Gus Malzahn became the second coach in the state of Alabama to sell his soul to the devil for some satanic magic, and he even beat the devil himself during the process. Thanks to OHverrated State getting exposed at the hands of Michigan State, Auburn now finds themselves in the BCS championship, too. Awaiting the Tigers in Pasadena will be Florida State and Jameis Winston, the latest person to benefit from the stellar, Floridian legal system, who should be toting a Heisman trophy once January 6th rolls around. What should you watch for in bowl season other than this classic? Here are some games you won't wanna miss (Predictions coming next week!)
1) The "That's a Bowl Game" Game?!?!?!?! UNLV vs. North Texas--- Heart of Dallas Bowl 1/1
The fact that there are 35 bowl games is extremely unnecessary in my opinion. Why, you ask? No need to look farther than this heralded match-up between the Rebels and the Mean Green. If there wasn't a team from Texas in the bowl, the attendance would rival your local WNBA game. Now, it might be able to eclipse the attendance at your average WWE! Monday Night Raw show. Either way, I will not be tuning into watch this game. And neither should you, unless you have a relative playing for either one of these teams... Actually, you know what... You probably still shouldn't watch it.
2) The Irony Bowl: Duke vs. Texas A&M--- Chick-Fil-A Bowl 12/31
Maybe it's just me, but I find it extremely ironic that Mr. Johnny Football's last college football game will be sponsored by one of the most Christian companies in the United States, if not the world. Mr. Manziel has lived his life according to the Ten Commandments, has been a perfect disciple for Christ throughout his college career, and his regular church attendance is now being rewarded with a match-up against Duke. Unless Mike Krzyzewski and the 2012 USA Olympic Basketball team shows up on the sidelines, the Blue Devils have zero chance to win this game. Also, I find it extremely ironic a team nicknamed 'Devils' is in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl. It's pretty obvious that Dan T. Carthy had absolutely nothing to do with picking the teams that would be playing in his game.
3) The Which Clemson Tiger Will Urban Meyer Punch Bowl? Ohio State vs. Clemson--- Orange Bowl 1/3
Last time Ohio State and Clemson played in a game, Woody Hayes threw a mean right hand at a Clemson player and got himself fired. If Marcus Hall or Dontre Wilson decides to do the same thing to Dabo Swinney, I won't complain one bit. This game matches two teams that were embarrassed in their last outings. Clemson got in the Christmas spirit early by committing six turnovers in their ugly loss to my Gamecocks, while Ohio State got outcoached and outplayed by Michigan State. The question is what team decides to show up in Miami. The Buckeyes had no plans to be in Miami, and the Tigers might not be able to navigate themselves around such a large city and not show up on time to the game. Here's hoping OHverrated State doesn't show up, and the team that won 24 straight games beats Clemson both on the football field and in an encore sideline fight.
4) The Best Bowl Game This Year Bowl: Michigan State vs. Stanford--- Rose Bowl 1/1
If you only watch one bowl game this year, make it this one. First off, both teams will run the ball about 50 times each, so it should be over in a little over two hours. Secondly, it should be one of the most competitive bowl games. Finally, Brent Musburger will be on the call, and you never know what attractive girlfriend he may spot in the crowd this year. The first team to get to 14 should be in good position to win this game.
5) The What Will Clowney Do This Year Bowl? Wisconsin vs. South Carolina--- Capital One Bowl 1/1
I was going to link a video of the hit, but let's face it: If you're reading this you've seen it, and you're probably tired of seeing it. Instead, I'd like to talk about the most underrated football player of the 21st century: Mr. Connor Shaw. The man has 26 touchdowns and ONE interception. The man came off the bench to lead a 17 point comeback in ONE quarter against Missouri AT Missouri. The man has the most wins of any South Carolina quarterback of all time. The man eats bowls of nails for breakfast... without any milk. The man has been an absolute delight to watch play this year, and you won't wanna miss his final college game. Plus, Wisconsin matches up pretty well with the Gamecocks, so it should be a good game.
Well, I think that's enough procrastination for now. Next week, I'll pick every bowl game. However, I have to get back to studying. And by studying I mean, go workout, watch some Netflix, obsessively check Twitter, eat, take a nap, listen to music, text some people, go to the bathroom, shower, eat some more, and watch some more Netflix. #College
J. Nave
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