Second Annual Super Bowl Prediction (By Previewing Absolutely Nothing Related to Football)

One of my favorite blog posts in my two year history was written almost a year ago to the day. I thoroughly analyzed Bruno Mars, the legalization of marijuana, Omaha, Nebraska, and a bunch of other random nonsense to make a Super Bowl prediction. If you weren't a fan of the blog this time last year, shame on you. However, I've provided a link to the piece here. For those of you readers who hold me to every prediction I make, you'll remember I picked the Broncos to beat the Seahawks 21-20. As you all know, that didn't happen. I received death threats from friends who had wagered on Denver. I was ridiculed by my peers into deactivating the site for six weeks. It was a dark time, indeed. However, I've decided last year was a fluke. The Xs and Os mean nothing when it comes to forecasting the biggest sporting event of the year- Intangibles trump everything! So on that note, let's dive in and look at who wins Super Bowl XLIX the fun, correct, and unorthodox way.

1. Deflategate/Ballghazi
The higher-ups at ESPN must be readers of this blog because I can't think of a single more ridiculous intangible than under inflated footballs causing a team to win a game by 38 points. Tom Brady could have used a t-shirt cannon or slingshot and performed the same onslaught through the air. LeGarrette Blount could have ran through the Colts defense with his legs tied together. General Andrew Luck would have still lost if his troops were armed with UMP45s. The Patriots have a history of questionable ethics. The story and subsequent lies should not have come as a surprise!

But you see, the media's got it all wrong. Neither Tom Brady nor Bill Belichick gave the order to deflate the balls. It was Pete Carroll! It's no secret Carroll employed less than questionable methods during his tenure at Southern Cal. Reggie Bush had a Heisman trophy taken away? Scholarship sanctions for multiple years? The hole he dug the Trojan program in is why he went to Seattle after all. So, Pete got smart. Knowing the Colts would get run out of the stadium, he paid an associate to fly to Boston and start the media crazed scandal that has taught us all valuable information about PSI. Belichick hasn't had time to game plan for Marshawn Lynch. Tom Brady hasn't made a trip to the mall in weeks, and he has no new outfit to wear in Glendale. It truly was one of the greatest tactical maneuvers I've ever witnessed, and it has made me question whether Pete Carroll is the Frank Underwood of our actual universe. Nicely done, Pete!

Seattle: 1          New England: 0

2. Rob Gronkowski

Yes, I know Gronkowski is a football player for the Patriots. Yes, I know I said I wasn't going to talk about football. But Gronk warrants his own section. The things he can do on a football field couldn't be accomplished with even the coolest glitch in Madden. Off the field, the man is JJ Watt with a personality. What more could be desired out of a football player? He has broken the hearts of (we'll keep this PG) "adult film" starts. He can be seen in the Entourage movie trailer drinking a beer, through a bong, poured by teammate Julian Edelman (Russell Wilson will also appear in the movie!). He parties like Johnny Manziel, yet still manages to be one of the greatest players at his position of all time. He is a 6'6", 265 pound, self-proclaimed child. His tweets are fire. He is Rob Gronkowski, and he's the most interesting man in football. 

Seattle: 1         New England: 1

3. Marshawn Lynch

In 99% of football games, Rob Gronkowski would by far be the most intriguing character. However, the Super Bowl is in that rare 1% because of Marshawn Lynch. Like Gronk, Beast Mode can do some freakish things on the football field. This year, though, his antics while interacting with the media have been generating the headlines. I side with Lynch's behavior. I think you could make the case Marshawn is exactly what the NFL needs: A figure head to make a mockery out of Roger Goodell and some of the NFL's policies. Why should Lynch be forced to step in front of a microphone every single week when Goodell can arrange his own disastrous press conferences to talk about incidents like Ray Rice's several months back? Why should the media be forced to listen to him give the same answer to every question for five minutes when reporters could gain insight from another Seahawk? Roger Goodell and the NFL have taken a lot of deserved criticism the past year, and proclamations, like the one to throw Lynch out for wearing gold cleats during the NFC Championship, are just adding fuel to the fire. Let your players play, Roger. They're making you millions of dollars a year. Quit continuing to take advantage of one of the most powerful positions in all of sports. Marshawn's (and once again, we'll keep it PG) "a certain Big Sean song" attitude gives Seattle another point.

"Shout out Oakland, California"

"Shout out Westbrook"

"Shout out my teammates"

"Shout out to my real Africans out there"

- Marshawn Lynch

Seattle: 2         New England: 1

4. Coffee vs. Chowdah 

It's no secret Seattle is the birthplace of Starbucks. PSLs. Frappuccinos. Tall, Grande, and Venti. The coffee shop's Evergreen State roots were the beginning of the empire we all know today. You can find their products in your town, on your campus, and in your grocery store. A Starbucks' gold card is an achievement sought after by many members in our society. Some stores even sell wine to entice you to stay there all day. Amateur bloggers set up camp at local shops for hours at a time trying to have their espresso fueled insights launch a career towards literary stardom. What this all basically boils down to is the fact that Starbucks is a big deal. 

On the other side of the United States, though, there is a far more potent and underrated liquid. A heavenly broth filled with succulent clams and potatoes that has been crafted and re-crafted towards ever closer perfection in New England since the dawn of time. Of course, I'm talking about clam chodaw. Not chowder. Chodaw. Your cup of Campbell's is one thing. Some authentic, Bostonian chodaw, however, will change your culinary life for the better. It's not taking over every street corner in America like it's cocoa opponent, but it definitely could. New Englanders, raise your pint of Sam Adams and give yourself a celebratory toast. You just tied this contest back up.

Seattle: 2          New England: 2

5. The Katy Perry Factor

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind wanting to start again? Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin like a house of cards one blow from caving in? If you answered yes to either of those questions, football is not the game for you. If you sang those questions to yourself, you definitely made the right decision, as Katy Perry will be performing at halftime this year! Over the past several years, whether you're a fan or not, you must concede the fact Perry has been a pop radio mainstay. Does her career make her Super Bowl performance worthy? Definitely more debatable. This past fall Perry appeared on College GameDay and upstaged Lee Freakin' Corso with corn dogs and revealing a crush on Trevor Knight, the quarterback at Oklahoma. Since it appears Katy has a thing for attractive quarterbacks and bizarre men (She was married to Russell Brand for a couple years), it looks like she will be pulling for the Ugg boot stepping, trenchcoat wearing, Michigan scum Tom Brady. Don't worry though, Russell. When Taylor Swift inevitably gets the nod in 2016, the queen of heartbreak will be rooting for more tears. You'll just have to get your team back to a third straight Super Bowl of course.

New England: 3          Seattle: 2

6. American History

It goes without saying Boston, Massachusetts has played a much larger role in our nation's history than Seattle, Washington. People in Seattle make pots of hot tea, bundle up inside for 300 rainy days every year, and watch Sleepless in Seattle and Grey's Anatomy for entertainment. Patriots from Boston stormed British ships, poured barrels of tea in the Boston Harbor, and started a revolution and war to found the United States of America. New England dominates this category.

New England: 4         Seattle: 2

GAME, SET, MATCH! New England claims the best of seven series, and we avoid the Game Seven speed round we had to go to last year. It looks like the Legion of Boom won't be able to stop the Patriots' offense much this Sunday. Another slow start, like the one against Green Bay, dooms the Seahawks, and the Patriots win Super Bowl XLIX.

Score Prediction: New England- 31          Seattle- 21

J. Nave

Why the 2014 Buckeyes Have Become My All Time Favorite Sports Team

When you are born in Columbus, Ohio, there are a few different paths you can embark on as a football fan. You can support the Cleveland Browns, where heartbreak has become so synonymous with the team people wonder if God actually hates the city. You can support the Cincinnati Bengals, but their own cruel pattern of failure ensures things won't be much better. You could choose to support the successful, neighboring Pittsburgh Steelers, but if do that, you are a traitor and have no friends. 

When you are born in 1995 like myself, the lack of success becomes even more apparent. The Browns were shipped away to Baltimore, and since they reformed in 1999, the team has gone on to start more quarterbacks than I have celebrated birthdays. The Bengals, thanks to some brilliant moves in the NFL Draft over the past few years, have made the playoffs each of the last four seasons, but they have not won a playoff game since 1991. The Steelers have won two Super Bowls during my lifetime, so once again, go away Pittsburgh fans nobody likes you. 

While there may be a strong divide for who to root for at the professional level, nearly every resident bleeds scarlet and gray, especially on Saturdays in the Buckeye State. Whether you're a student at the university, have an alumnus as a parent, are employed by the university, or grew up attending games in the 'Shoe and at the Schott, a tie to Ohio State binds all 88 counties together. There are some Michigan fans scattered around the northern portions of the state and transplants from other places who despise the program, but as Dave Skylark would say, "They hate us, cause they ain't us!" (Side note: The Interview was incredibly disappointing. Not Seth Rogen's best. At all). Ohioans conversation from July through January is dominated by Buckeye football. From January to April, it shifts to Buckeye basketball. And from April to August, anticipation for the new seasons feverishly grows. 

I bring all this up because of the events that transpired Thursday night in New Orleans, Louisiana. For the first time in my nineteen years on this planet, a football team from the state of Ohio won a playoff game when Urban Meyer led a third string quarterback into the Sugar Bowl with guns blazing and knocked off Alabama, the most dynastic team in sports this decade. A wide receiver threw a touchdown pass to another wide receiver. A running back recorded a 200 yard effort against the Crimson Tide defense for the first time since Nick Saban took control of the reigns. The Silver Bullets shut down another Heisman finalist. This Ohio State team, in a conference many left for dead on September 6th, completed a twelve game tear to give themselves a shot at winning a national championship. How did this all happen? I don't have all the answers. The few answers I do have, though, go a long way in explaining why I have enjoyed watching this version of the Buckeyes more than any other team in any other sport I have watched before. 

The most iconic image from the Sugar Bowl for me did not take place on the field. Rather, early in the second half, a man was shown in the stands wearing a sweatshirt that declared the message, "Ohio Against the World." The sentiment, which can be traced back to a clothing company, portrays a theme many Buckeye fans can sympathize with. Since the 2006 team was run out of the building in the national championship (ironically, by Urban Meyer), the media has been incredibly bearish on the Buckeyes. People doubt the quality of their wins against inferior, Big Ten opponents. Analysts question if they are fast enough to compete with elite teams. Mark May picks against them whether they are facing Georgia, Georgia Tech, Georgia State, or East Georgia A&M. It seems as if the sporting world celebrates and awaits for new opportunities to attack after each and every Ohio State loss. 

Ohio State's inquisition wasn't any different this year. The doubting began even before the first game! Braxton Miller's shoulder injury raised questions about whether the Buckeyes would win 10 games let alone a conference championship. The poor performance by JT Barrett against Virginia Tech seemed to confirm these concerns, and thanks to other losses that same day by Michigan State and Michigan, the media scoffed at Ohio State and the Big Ten like never before. The Buckeyes started to regain some momentum leading up to a late October trip to Happy Valley. Once again, they struggled in prime time, but thanks to one of the most impressive feats of physical strength this side of JJ Watt, Joey Bosa guaranteed the matchup with Michigan State would keep its preseason value and importance. Nobody gave the Buckeyes much of chance to win in East Lansing, but after a slow start, the Ohio State offense didn't just manage to pick up a win, they steamrolled the Spartans to prove they belonged back in the playoff conversation. The debate raged on throughout November, but when JT Barrett was injured against Michigan, the doubters came back more energized than ever before. Cardale Jones, or as he prefers 12 Gauge, was thrust into the national spotlight against Wisconsin in the conference title game with a playoff berth on the line. All Jones did was deliver shot after shot after shot in a 59-0 rout, which allowed the Buckeyes to claim the four seed in the first ever College Football Playoff. But would that performance allow Ohio State to be given any respect or a chance to defeat the big, bad Crimson Tide? Of course not. The Cardale led, Ohio State offense proved they had plenty of ammunition to annihilate another elite defense and ensured the Buckeyes, not the Tide, would roll to Dallas.

The season's anecdotes above would be enough to captivate the average sports fan. But when you dig deeper and read into this team's journey, subplots arise to tell an even more intriguing narrative. There's the story of Cardale Jones, who overcame a tumultuous situation growing up to earn a scholarship, and his famous, controversial tweet and horrible relationship with the coaching staff to earn himself covers of Sports Illustrated and ESPN Magazine. There's the receiving corps that at one point was repeatedly called out by Urban Meyer for playing so poorly that has gone on to develop into one of the best units in the country. There's the local, Columbus kids, Darron Lee, Jacoby Boren, Joshua Perry, and Nick Vannett, who have become unexpected leaders and bonafide studs for this young team. Most impressive is how the team has dealt with bout after bout of adversity. Adversity is one of the most blatantly overused and misused words in all of sports. Nearly every telecast will include the term multiple times, but it's often used to describe something trivial like a costly penalty. However, this Buckeye team encountered adversity far more times than their fair share. The injuries of two quarterbacks, one who was and one who became a Heisman candidate, was unprecedented and would be enough to unravel any team. However, one blow just days before the conference championship game truly put football and the concept of adversity in perspective. Kosta Karageorge, a walk on who became one of the most well liked players on the team, was found dead from an apparent suicide after a multiple day search. Throughout the season, Meyer preached this was the closest team he had ever been around, but the loss of Karageorge put these feelings on display in the public sphere. During the Big Ten Championship, Michael Bennett paid homage to Karageorge by wearing his number and put on a dominating performance. The act continued in the Sugar Bowl victory. Any football team can bounce back from an ill-timed turnover and go on to win a football game. I'd wager not many teams could have dealt with some of the experiences the Buckeyes have had to be one game away from a national title. 

Next Monday, the Buckeyes will take on the Oregon Ducks and this wild ride will come to an end. On the other sideline, there will be one of the best players in college football leading one of the most dynamic offenses in college football. Once again, Ohio State has opened as a sizable underdog to their opponent. When Monday evening rolls around, I doubt many analysts will pick the Buckeyes to come out victorious. After the performance against Alabama, I believe this defense can slow down Marcus Mariota and give Cardale Jones the opportunity to put up enough points. At the same time, I wouldn't be surprised if Mariota makes one more play than Jones and gives the Ducks a victory in a shootout. I can guarantee you I will scream at the television 500 miles away from Columbus for three and a half hours hoping the Buckeyes claim another victory. If they do get it done, the band will play Carmen Ohio, Urban Meyer will raise another trophy, and the team that all fall he has said to be a year away from being special will have conquered college football. If the Buckeyes fall short, Carmen Ohio will still be played, Urban Meyer will watch the Ducks raise another trophy, and the team he has said to be a year away from being special will have eight months to prepare for revenge against Virginia Tech and start on another quest for championships. Either way, I will come to terms with whatever happens. Either way, I don't anticipate forgetting the events of this season any time soon. How sweet it would be, though, if a national championship became the 2014 Buckeyes' defining chapter, and this team of destiny could lay the framework for a dominant dynasty in the years to come.

J. Nave