The Write in Candidates Who Can Save the 2016 Election

After months of incessant coverage, comical debates, anatomy lessons, and literally so much more I don't think I could ever attempt to note it all, it appears the 2016 Presidential Election will come down to a contest between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. Many Americans will go to the voting booth in November with a dilemma of attempting to select the lesser of two evils. A career politician who might be indicted by the FBI against a loose cannon businessman who might blow up the planet on a day where he gets insulted on Twitter isn't exactly an appealing match-up. What can be done about this? We, as the American people, can rally behind a person above the nonsensical fray that has enveloped the country the past year. An individual who will truly make America great again. There's still much time to discuss the savior of our nation. But I have a few suggestions of who we should consider.

Honorable Mention: John Kasich
What was wrong with him, Republican voters?

5. Kanye West
I know he said he didn't want to run until 2020, but why not get him elected as soon as possible? Making a follow up album to The Life of Pablo and fashion shows will soon bore the godly mogul. Leader of the free world would probably pose a few more challenges, and the American people could follow right along on Twitter with the play-by-play rationale behind his sound(?) decisions. Kim Kardashian as First Lady would boost the E! Network's ratings to record numbers. It'll be even better when he announces himself as his running mate. A Kanye cabinet would be such a motley crew of arrogance the rest of the world would have no choice but to recognize American greatness, but there's an chance he names himself to every position in his cabinet, too. He's been a vital figure in getting Panda integrated in our culture these past several weeks. Graduating from the stratosphere of celebrity mecca to the White House? Welcome to the good life, President West.

4. Kobe Bryant
Ever since he dropped 60 in his final NBA game, respect for Kobe Bryant has been at an all time high. His Black Mamba nickname would easily weave together with the "Join or Die" symbol from the American revolution in a time where it would appear our country is desperate for another. Plus, what is Kobe supposed to do in his retirement anyways? He loves the limelight. He doesn't shy away from the big time. He'll stroll into the Middle East and meet the leaders of ISIS face to face. He'll play Putin one on one for control of nuclear access codes in the Far East. He'll talk to every man, woman, and child until their fears about the current status of America are alleviated. He could assemble a council of elders with some of the world's best statesmen, mainly just for show though, because we all know he's not giving them any shot at real responsibility. Shaq as his running mate? Phil Jackson as his running mate? I'm on board with this idea. Kobe will bring championship glory to the nation's capital once again?


3. Adam Silver
The NBA commissioner has only held his position for a brief time, but his reign of power has led to some impressive accomplishments. First, he handled the Donald Sterling issue tremendously (Basically, Sterling was making comments not all too distant from what Trump has been saying on the campaign trail. Now, he no longer owns the Los Angeles Clippers thanks to actions spearheaded by Silver). Then, he came out in support of legalizing sports betting, an issue that is dear and near to my heart and could easily get solved within his first 100 days in office. Granted, Silver's strong resemblance to the male character in the 20th century painting American Gothic doesn't give him the most presidential appearance, but as a country, we should be willing to look past that in the year 2016. He graduated from the University of Chicago Law School and previously worked as a clerk for a United States District Court judge. That alone is almost enough of a resume to seek political office. Us Americans love our sports. Silver is by far the most competent leader we have of a league that is starting to dominate the news headlines all year round and in a much more positive light than the NFL. Adam Silver gives us the best shot at making sure the United States of America starts winning more golds on the global stage.

2. Cersei Lannister
I had a hard time wrestling with the top three picks and deciding who I ultimately wanted to throw my weight behind. Cersei was an infinitesimally close second. The Queen Regent of Westeros hasn't ever been in charge of the Seven Kingdoms, but she's managed to finagle and maintain a position of power where she got her husband killed, manipulated her firstborn son, and appears ready to do the same to her second to rid Kings Landing of her own rabid creation. She has a mountainous, gold clad bodyguard who will and can kill any enemy of hers without exuding any effort. She sits around all day and does nothing but drink wine, and she still manages to advance her political agenda. She walked through the capital completely naked to atone for her sins as she was physically and verbally bombarded. Do you see Trump or Clinton walking across the national mall in a fashion like this?!? Besides her previous relationship with her brother, Cersei is a perfect candidate. She's from a family of political royalty that could rival Bush or Clinton, she's conniving enough to get deals struck in Washington, she has plenty of gold dragons to pay off the national debt, and she'll love this country as much as she loves her children and Cabernet. On a side note, if we elect a fictional candidate president, what exactly happens? Lena Headey is English, so she would technically be unable to hold the position. I firmly believe Cersei, portrayed by Headey and funded by American corporations HBO and Time Warner, should be allowed to protect and serve us from the long winter ahead.

1. Lin-Manuel Miranda
Sometimes the answer is so obvious we almost miss it. If there's a better candidate out there, I dare you to find him or her. Let's run down why:

-He single-handedly created Hamilton. This musical has been 1989 meets Star Wars: The Force Awakens meets Woodstock in terms of the buzz, reach, and commercial success. Track record of improving the country? Check.
-Previously, he created In The Heights, a production that took the theatrical world by storm just to a slightly lesser degree. By no means am I a patron of the arts or a thespian, but I've listened to both soundtracks and thoroughly enjoyed them. Being consistent enough to perform well for two terms? Check.

-He has been invited to the White House to not only perform and showcase his lyrical genius, but also to discuss a plan to help Puerto Rico's current financial position. He went in front of Congress as well for the same issue. Political awareness and passion? Check.
-Can you imagine Miranda's State of the Union addresses? We'd have to create a new word in our language because lit wouldn't describe them adequately. I would learn so much about the Trans-Pacific Partnership, Iranian nuclear agreements, and national tax code if they were delivered in the fashion of the video above. Ability to captivate an audience? Check.
-At only 36 years old, Miranda could weave together an opera to delight the ears of the American youth who seem to be more interested in politics than ever before, yet his knowledge of the country's history would resonate with older voters. Connecting with his constituents? Check.
-People fork over hundreds of dollars to see Hamilton. Why not expand the show on a global horizon? Within about three months of shows and a bidding war between the most elite and wealthy individuals around the world, the national deficit could feasibly turn into a surplus. A fiscally responsible choice? Yes.
-Is he under investigation from the FBI? Is he one of the least inspiring public speakers to ever seek America's highest office? No.
-Is he prone to making poor decisions with his speech that incite riots? Does he have an awful spray tan paired with awful hair? No.
-Did this whole article start out as satire but gradually convince me Miranda could run against a former Empire State senator and an Empire State businessman and carry New York? Yes.
-Can he win the 2016 Election? Only if we rally behind him and give him the chance he deserves.

#ImWithLin

J. Nave 

Why College Sucks

It's taken me nearly three years of experiencing college to realize something completely desolating about it: College sucks. You might think this is because your parents, your siblings, your pets, and your bed will no longer be familiar constants. Or your mom's favorite recipes will have to be replaced by the best thing available in your cafeteria. Or that your friends will start new adventures at schools of their own and will feel worlds away. Or maybe it's due to your teachers and favorite coaches no longer being readily available to act as a support system. 

College doesn't suck because you lose all those aforementioned comforts of home, however. Your roommate, neighbors, and dorm will begin to build a homey framework the day you move in. College doesn't suck because you miss your friends, either. It's easier than ever to keep tabs on your friends back home, almost to a frightening level. You can gauge what they're thinking about with a text, see how they are spending their money, and know where they are at every second should you want. You'll naturally find people who share your interests and passions, too, without even having to look too hard. As impossible as it might be to believe, college doesn't suck because you miss homecooked meals. You'll find new favorite restaurants, stomach your school's dining hall staples, and realize you might have some culinary genius within yourself. Better yet, college doesn't suck because some of your mentors and role models won't be around in person. Your professors will be eagerly awaiting a visit during office hours to get to know you as a person and offer invaluable advice about what you might do with your life. 

College does suck, however, for a whole other list of reasons. Everybody tells you college is the best four years of your life. If you graduate on time, though, that's a flat out lie, which is the first reason college sucks. Not because of the initial part of the statement, though. As soon as you move in come August, the clock will start counting down from 3 years and 9 months. Not four years. Your summer leading up to move in day might have provided incredible memories you'll never forget, but you were simultaneous robbed from the upcoming stage of your life. If you go home over the following summers and subtract different breaks out, you'll realize your time will be significantly dwindled. That number after some arithmetic will likely turn into a figure of less than 33 months. You're essentially graduating early, and you never even realized it. 

College also sucks because of an impossible balancing act to strike. The only way to ensure your time measures up to the romanticized level of expectations is by diving in headfirst to every option presented to yourself that you find interesting or deem intriguing. You'll meet your best friends at school this way. You'll best prepare yourself for your professional future this way. But you'll also realize this only accelerates the pace of your 3 years and 9 months. Thus, an unsolvable conundrum develops. Excluding yourself from doing everything you love will leave you unfulfilled and unhappy and make time grind to a halt. Doing everything you love leads to a great quality of life, but then initially a perception, followed by a reality, will reveal your days of happiness are hastily evaporating. Over analyzing your attempts to balance this scale will prove futile as unpredictable forces constantly exasperate the difficulty.   

It will naturally take a little longer to realize this, but college sucks because as the semesters go by the blurred recognition of where your home is becomes harder to discern. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, as you could potentially get to a place where you are surrounded by such quality relationships you feel you have two families. But as each year passes by, you'll have to suffer the emotions you get when you watch Michael Scott leave Dunder Mifflin, only magnified by an exponentially greater factor with every passing April. It will be impossible to imagine not having the faces of best friends around in such familiar places, but at the end of the day, such is an important lesson for life in general. In college, however, this distress hits you severely for most likely only the first or second time in your life, and the ideal environment you worked so hard to build around yourself will have irreplaceable people absent. The depression caused by this is downright paralyzing if it creeps into your mind too frequently, especially as your junior year draws to a close. 

Finally, college sucks because even when you might be making one of your dreams come true, you're simultaneously missing out on something else. This isn't a revolutionary statement I'm making, but in a generation so engrossed in minimizing our exposure to the crippling force of FOMO, it needs to be accepted sooner rather than later. This past year alone, I met an idol of mine, crossed two top ten items off my bucket list, and created stories, inside jokes, and memories I will eternally cherish. While all of this was going on, though, other people I care about were having a blast. Without me. I'll never be able to completely understand and thoroughly empathize that dual experience, and I won't be in those pictures subsequently plastered all over social media. That really sucks, and that's why this fear exists. But you'll come to remember the justification for why you made your choice. You'll come to learn everybody else is grappling with the same struggle of channeling the proper amount of availability to a vast network of outlets. And you'll come to acknowledge if you're too risk averse to commit towards anything, the crippling weight of your regret will inhibit you from having any shot of enjoying your college experience. 

So, to the class of 2020, college truly does suck. Trust me on this. It might take a while for this to hit you, but the insight will run you over like a truck eventually. But you know what? You shouldn't be afraid of this. Every year of college will be infinitely more entertaining, exciting, and fun than the last. Nearly every day you're at school it will feel like you're living in a magical paradise. Enjoy every minute you spend with your friends. Ponder your favorite professors' lectures before you go to bed. Take the long way to class on a beautiful day. Stay at the football games through the alma mater. 

Yet, every once in a while, don't forget to take a step back to just simply appreciate and be thankful for who and what you have in your life. Because at the most obscure, fortunate, or frustrating times, you'll get reminders that college concurrently serves as an enigmatic purgatory before you enter the real world. 

In those former moments, it will be impossible to not smile, laugh, or cry when you think about all you are able to treasure. 

In those latter moments, you'll be reminded why college ultimately sucks: Even if you follow your perfect roadmap to maximize and capture every last drop of attainable bliss, your tap will run dry before you're ready, expecting, and prepared for closing time. 

J. Nave

Making the Case for Why the Golden State Warriors Deserve Bronze

As an amateur sports blogger with the erratic work ethic of a college student, I've realized the importance of picking your battles. Over the past few months, I've taken an attitude of brinkmanship towards writing about the Golden State Warriors. With a 68-7 record and the remaining schedule in front of them, it's becoming almost a guaranteed certainty that the Bay Area's team finishes with the best record in NBA history. For that reason alone, I can no longer sit idly by and let the mainstream sports media have its monopolistic narrative lauding tireless praise. The title of this post might lead you to believe I'm going to attempt to belittle the Warriors' successes and rationalize how a team like the San Antonio Spurs or my Cleveland Cavaliers can win a seven game season. That, however, is not the point at all. I'm essentially conceding any glimmer of hope the NBA Finals will be a compelling series from a competitive standpoint. The point of this post is to desperately try to think of reasons why this team isn't the most perfectly assembled bunch in the history of basketball, and in the process, create a karmic case for this team deserving to fall flat on its face in the playoffs. 

1. Riley Curry

After Matthew Dellavedova played like a destroyer of worlds when guarding the 2015 NBA MVP in the first three games of last year's title game, the Warriors, led by Steph Curry, flipped over the table and crushed the Cavaliers in the final three contests. With that, the renewed media love affair with the entire Curry clan returned with a feverish vengeance. At the center of the picture was Curry's daughter, Riley. Sure, there were some cute and adorable moments on the road trip to a Warriors' championship, but the attention over the course of last summer got borderline exhausting. She's might only be three years old, but after one web search I discovered she somehow has her own Wikia page?!?!?!?!?  http://nbafamily.wikia.com/wiki/Riley_Curry. It's a pathetic page, but that's still absurd all things considered. We should be better than that, world. Perhaps her tears after a defeat to the Spurs in the conference finals will wash away this cringe inducing obsession from the face of the Earth. 

2. Draymond Green and his Path to Sobriety

Last year during Golden State's victory parade, Draymond Green was working on turning his BAC into an impressive points per possession figure. Let's fast forward to June and imagine Draymond after the Warriors win back to back titles AND eclipse the Chicago Bulls' record. He might die of alcohol poisoning. The world can't let that happen, right? It would be such a tragic ending to such a legendary story. When the Trail Blazers end the Warriors' season in April, Draymond will have plenty of time for margaritas and Dos Equis on the beaches of Cabo at a moderate pace.

3. Steph Curry vs. His Baby Face

The basketball hoop is afraid of Steph Curry's jumper when the man crosses half court. He can pull up with confidence from anywhere, and that's one of the reasons why as one sharpshooter to another I have a tremendous amount of respect for him. Why do I bring this up? There is a strong correlation between what I described above and the attitudes between Curry's face and a razor blade. From a purely objective standpoint, the best three point shooter in NBA history does not pull off his facial hair at all. The "Baby Faced Assassin" phase from Davidson is responsible for Curry's first step to basketball stardom. Go back to how you looked then, man. I want to see you continue making shots that should have no business going in, but at what price I ask? At what price? Use some of your money from Under Armour to buy a razor when your offseason begins earlier than anyone expected.

4. The Year of the Raptor? 

Very few basketball pundits are picking against the Cavaliers in the Eastern Conference playoff field. But there are a lot of signs both on and off the court that the Raptors could derail a Finals' rematch. First off, Kyle Lowry has torched the Cavs every time the two teams have played this season. DeMar DeRozan has developed into a more than capable two guard. The x-factor might be the possible return of DeMarre Carroll in the NBA Finals, a player who can harass LeBron on defense. Off the court, the signs are just as telling. The 6ix hosted the All Star game to rave reviews thanks to one of the most entertaining duels in slam dunk contest history. In the NHL, not a single Canadian team is poised to make the playoffs so the Raptors should expect a massive influx of fans here in the coming weeks. However, the team's global brand ambassador, Aubrey Drake Graham, titled his most popular track of the past year "Back to Back." Did that clinch the Warriors another championship? Or was it actually written to foreshadow the moment where it would ironically blare through the Air Canada Centre when the Raptors' pull off a monumental upset?

5. SportsCenter's Intolerable and Ceaseless Coverage

In the time it's taken me to get to this point with my writing, SportsCenter has tweeted about Curry's escapades of today four times. Chris Broussard, Stephen A. Smith, and forty two other analysts have said his name in the time it's taken you to read this sentence deep inside the mothership palace in Bristol, Connecticut. Once the Warriors bow out in the playoffs, ESPN will have to find away to fill 14 hours of coverage a day. But could that be a part of an omniscient plan that will start just in the nick of time for the network to air Tim Tebow's campaign coverage as he becomes the presidential nominee at the contested Republican National Convention (http://time.com/4275653/tim-tebow-running-for-office-politics/)? We'll have to wait and see. (Yes, I know he isn't old enough to be president. But maybe we'll make a constitutional exception as a country when he realize he's a better choice than any alternative)

6. Another Warriors Title Would Ruin the NBA

The last and definitively most important reason the Warriors cannot win another championship is because the entire fabric of the Association would be eradicated and collapse on itself. How can this be, you ask? Follow me for a minute. The Warriors, after completing one of the greatest seasons in sports history, realize their roster is going to go through a state of upheaval because they simply can't resign all their parts. How do they cope with this? By replacing several smaller pieces with a top three player in the NBA by the name of Kevin Durant. The Splash Brothers and Durant form an indomitable big three that wins the West with ease over any other team for several seasons to come. LeBron James, after another failed quest to bring his hometown a championship, bolts to play in the bright lights of a bigger city in the East with his best friends fearing he might never win another title. Carmelo/Dwayne Wade/CP3/LeBron are set on a collision course with Golden State 2.0 and no other storyline in the rest of the NBA matters. The Spurs valiantly fight to stay relevant and add another title to their dynastic run, but the fossils of an again Tim Duncan and Tony Parker are the only signs of a slaughter they can't overcome. Simultaneously, realizing they have absolutely no shot at competing with either team, all other 27 teams in the NBA engage in a Mad Max style tanking battle royale. The NBA standings consist of two 82 win teams, while the next closest competitor finishes more than 55 games back. Ticket representatives for the Pelicans begin paying fans to show up for week night games against the Jazz and Bucks. Charles Barkley spends all his hours in the NBA on TNT studio desperately trying to remember what the league he once played in was like.

So, as unlikely as it is to occur, the universe and any and all possible higher beings must interfere in the happenings of sports over the next two months. The 2015-2016 Warriors will never be forgotten. But a second championship for this beautifully assembled basketball team might just cause the NBA to experience an eternal purgatory from which there is no return to light, hope, and happiness. As basketball fans, there remains only one thing we can do. Pray, plead, and purportedly plaster the Crying Jordan meme on every picture of Steph Curry we can find. 

J. Nave 

The Fourth Annual March Madness Preview of Previews

For the fourth year in a row, I decided to post my bracket on the Internet for all to make fun of me here in a few days. Out of a possible 12 Final Four teams in the past, I've selected 3 correctly. Not exactly the best track record. Bracket is below, and here are ten observations about the tournament.

1. Virginia is my national champion for a variety of reasons. The Cavaliers defend at a high level, they now have a sneaky efficient offense to go alongside with the packline defense, they have a player in Malcolm Brogdon who can hit shots down the stretch, they have some players with really cool hair, they can't lose to Michigan State again (right?..), and they have a coach in Tony Bennett who is due for NCAA tournament success with the program he's built.

2. Seton Hall's guards won me over in the Big East Tournament. Almost picked them to beat the Spartans. Guard play always seems key in the tournament, and Khadeen Carrington and Isaiah Whitehead can flat out ball. Wichita State falls into the same category with Ron Baker and Fred Van Vleet.

3. Not seeing too many upsets early on. Very few one seeds won their conference tournament which likely corresponds to a hot stretch over a few days, rather than a team capable of beating some really good teams at the top of the bracket. Also, some of the teams on the 4/5 line were grossly underseeded. Look for Hawaii, Yale, or Chattanooga should anybody be able to get it done.

4. The East region is going to provide some fantastic basketball. North Carolina, Indiana, Kentucky, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Xavier? It's going to be a gauntlet with some of the sport's most historic programs. Went with the Musketeers because of Ohio bias, they have a lot of quality depth on the bench, and they never seem to bow out early in the tournament. Xavier's never made the Final Four before, but this might be the best team in school history. They won't be intimated by any of the blue bloods in the region, and I don't think enough people give the Big East 2.0 enough credit as a basketball conference.

5. Keep an eye on all the Big 12 team's in the tournament. All year, it's been lauded as the best conference, and with how the bracket ended up, Kansas, Oklahoma, and West Virginia could all be playing in Houston. Or, they could all be going home before the first weekend because this season has taught us no team should be considered a safe bet.

6. The West region is going to be an absolute crapshoot. UNC Wilmington could beat Duke. I took Yale to beat Baylor. I considered Cincinnati (or Saint Joseph's) to beat Oregon. Oklahoma is one bad Buddy Hield game away from going home. Are we sure Texas A&M is good? They definitely were overseeded. Can Shaka Smart lead Texas to a Final Four? Went with the best player in the region, but it wouldn't surprise me if a team comes out of the left field to win one of the wackiest regions in recent memory.

7. Maryland and California in the second round could provide fans with a peek at a lot of future NBA talent. The winner of that hypothetical game would draw Kansas, should the Jayhawks be able to get by a Connecticut team that is hitting its stride at the right time. Villanova has a lot of motivation to redeem an early exit last year. Miami has a lot of veteran players and one of the most underrated basketball minds in the country as their coach. What does this all mean in the South region? Kansas, the most popular pick to win it all, won't get it done without some tough trials along the way before the Final Four. But Bill Self's team hasn't lost since January, so I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt.

8. I hate only having Kentucky winning one game. Tyler Ulis is going to be a great late first round pick by the Cleveland Cavaliers in the 2016 NBA Draft, Jamal Murray is one of the tournament's best pure scorers, and John Calipari sold his soul to the devil to make sure his NBA bound players haunt the tournament for as long as possible. Indiana might be my favorite team to watch play in the entire country this season, though. The Hoosiers jack up threes at an absurd rate, Yogi Ferrell embodies everything a college basketball player should be for his program, and they managed to win a Big Ten title without one of their best players- All with one of the most inconsistent in-game coaches in the game today at the helm. If there's one game in the entire tournament I want to watch, it's Kentucky/Indiana. So Stony Brook and Chattanooga, don't mess this up.

9. Running out of time...

10. Leonardo DiCaprio has an Oscar. Donald Trump might be our president. The Golden State Warriors are going to break one of sport's most historic records. 2016 has been crazy. So when a 16 seed beats a 1 seed this year, just embrace the craziness. The world has lost its collective mind. The NCAA Tournament never makes sense anyways, so I can't wait to watch the tournament in the unbalanced universe we now live in.

J. Nave

Third Annual Super Bowl Prediction (By Previewing Absolutely Nothing Related to Football)

As unbelievable as this might sound, this blog is becoming quite old. This is my 49th post. We're nearing the third anniversary. This blog is so old if parents described the age of their children in the months this blog has been around, it would officially be weird (On a side note, what an odd societal practice in the first place, no matter the age. Parents, anything over 24 months, though, is extremely pretentious and probably an attempt to convince yourself your baby not being able to crawl with 4.4 speed, or whatever babies are supposed to do, like its peers is okay and not a sign of bad parenting). Thankfully, just in time to get some brand revitalization and momentum for the third year of the laughably incorrect predictions to come on this blog, Super Bowl 50 capstones the football calendar this week and affords an invaluable opportunity. 

For the observant and careful readers in the last paragraph, you are correct; for the first time ever, Roman numerals are not being used in notation for football's biggest stage. This was a drastic marketing disaster for the NFL because t-shirts with Super Bowl L(it) would've been best sellers. I guess Roger Goodell wasn't in the mood to be associated with yet another L. I can't blame him for that, but don't be afraid to take some risks ever once in awhile, Roger! Anyways, for the third time, we don't need the talking heads of the sports world to tell us who's going to win the Super Bowl. Simply by taking a look around the world at several important factors, I can give you a definitive winner (Actually, I'm only 1-1, but don't tell anybody. Plus, for this blog, that's a marvelous success rate). 

1. Coldplay

This year, Coldplay will be taking the stage in Santa Clara, California to perform at halftime. Are the late 1990s even calling to get this band back? Does Coldplay truly have fans? Has a Coldplay song been on the radio since 'Viva La Vida' back when I was in middle school? Is Roger Goodell trying to lure us all to sleep while he plans an Oceans level heist to become commissioner of all other leagues? Is Taylor Swift still recovering after her 1989 tour? Couldn't Kanye West and Wiz Khalifa have a rap battle? Was literally every other band on the planet busy? Is Beyonce supposed to fit in with Chris Martin? Is this Bill Belichick's favorite band and repayment for the whole Deflategate deal incident last year? Is this the doctor Concussion was based on's favorite band and repayment for the NFL's whole attitude towards that issue? Does the NFL think having a British band will let them put a team across the pond more seamlessly? Nobody wins this point. Fire Goodell. 

Carolina- 0 Denver- 0

2. Jim Nantz

With CBS broadcasting the Super Bowl, Jim Nantz will be on the call. Nantz, one of the most recognizable broadcasters in the world, has had some phenomenal last words at the conclusion of iconic games and tournaments. There is also nothing in this world Jim Nantz loves more than Peyton Manning. In his first Super Bowl for CBS, the Peyton Manning led Colts beat the Bears. Now, in what could potentially be the final game of Peyton Manning's career, Nantz is set to be on the call. That can't be just a coincidence, right? If the Eastern European syndicate from Taken stole Nantz' daughter instead of Liam Neeson's, there wouldn't have been a movie. Jim would have kidnapped Peyton to frolic off into the sunset together, dreaming of a life full of endless interviews and Nationwide jingles day after day. That's how much Jim Nantz loves this man! God, or at least the lawyers who drew the media contracts up to let the Super Bowl schedule fall across the networks as such, really, really wants Manning to win. First point, goes to Denver. 

Denver: 1          Carolina: 0

3. Dabbing

While he may not have been the first athlete to incorporate the trend into an athletic celebration, Cam Newton sure did embrace the "dance move" and elevate the action to a societal mainstay. A Tennessee fan accused Newton of being a classless embarrassment for the NFL following a lengthy touchdown dance capped with the move, and the rest has gone onto become one of the most fun chapters in Panther's history. The whole Panthers team has been dabbing on the way to 17 wins. Hilary Clinton dabbed on air with Ellen. Kids in Charlotte know a dab by Newton means one of them is going home with a football. It might not last long into 2016, as "Running Off On The Plug" and countless other moves seem ready supplant the touchdown mainstay. But hey, props to Cam for finding something to market and for virtually becoming a more frequent Santa Claus. 

Denver: 1          Carolina: 1

4. Papa John's  

Speaking of marketing, what NFL player does a better job of making his impact on television than Peyton Manning. He was hilarious as a host of Saturday Night Live way back in the day. He loves Chicken Parmesan and every seven syllable phrase thanks to Nationwide. But most importantly, he could retire today, launch his own copycat pizza company called "Papa Peyton's", and run poor John out of business. If he upgraded the company's average product, gave customers more garlic sauce, and continued a promotion of Garlic Knots with Jim Nantz (?!?!?!?), he'd run the entire industry out of business. Cam Newton seems poised to seize several more endorsement deals and commercials down the line, but nothing today is more American than pizza... So Denver gets the point.

Denver: 2          Carolina: 1

5. Superior City? 

As a college student soon to enter the job market, I'm always looking into possible places to launch a career after graduation (A contingency should I not get an offer to run my own show on ESPN, NBC, or the first sports talk show to air on Netflix). Both of these cities seem pretty damn cool. To test this assumption, I did what any intelligent millennial would do: Go to Reddit and let the Internet's most helpful users support my claim. Here are some of the finest persuasive statements:  

"... It would be very hard to not like Denver. Was there for NYE and it was 18 degrees and it was still awesome. Food, breweries, distilleries, the legal weed, amazing outdoors activities... I would live there."

"Denver is more dense and has better transportation & urban development (if you're into that lifestyle). There is also the marijuana legislation, so if you do that it's obviously a better choice."

"Honestly, I'm really liking Charlotte. We have a beer scene that rivals Denver's. There are all sorts off outdoorsy things to do here. We have a beach within a couple hours drive. Both cities seem to really value their appearance."

"(Charlotte) is wonderful, and has so much more to offer than where I moved from. The weather's great, there's mountains 2 hours away, the ocean 3 hours away, a bunch of neat restaurants and shops, and polite people all around."

This is a tough one. Mountains and marijuana versus metropolis and location. The most reputable sources on the Internet even seem torn on the matter. I've never been to Denver, but the Rocky Mountains are unquestionably a gorgeous backdrop for life. Charlotte also calls its downtown, Uptown. Little bourgeois of the Queen City if you ask me. It might be hard to breathe, but I'm going to make this sacrifice for the breathless views and give the point to Denver. Unlike most of their games, Carolina is off to a slow start. 

Denver: 3          Carolina: 1

6. Six-One-Four

The Carolina Panthers have four starters who attended The Ohio State University. In a giant bout of homegrown Buckeye Bias, that has to count for something. Kurt Coleman has been a thief in the secondary. Ted Ginn Jr. and "Philly" Brown have turned into two of the league's most surprising playmakers this season. Andrew Norwell is a beast on the offensive line that helped the Panthers develop a league-leading running game. The Denver Broncos have one starter who attended The Ohio State University. That player is Bradley Roby. In what should have been the final game of his career, the 2014 Orange Bowl against Clemson, Roby sat out in what has widely been perceived as "draft stock insurance." Watkins would catch 16 passes for over 200 yards to give the Tigers a win. In a giant bout of both Gamecock Pride and Buckeye Bias, that is inexcusable if true. We'll never know for certain if he actually had an injury, and Roby is an incredible player, but the advantage here goes to the Panthers either way. 

Denver: 3          Carolina: 2

7. Fast Food

Two years ago, one of the definitive factors of my prediction was grounded in Chipotle being headquartered in the Mile-High City. Even with its E.coli scandal, there is no better quick service burrito option. I'd rather risk eating at Chipotle than convince myself Moe's or Qdoba is a more viable option because of the presence of queso. However, since that time, I've discovered a fast food restaurant based in Charlotte that pushes the integrity fueled Mexican food down a step to the silver medal. This magical place is called Bojangles. The best chicken fingers on the planet, the indescribable taste that is found in every bite of Bo-Berry biscuits, the sweetest sweet tea in the south, and just about everything else on the menu has turned this mecca of southern fast food into a dietary staple of mine. Sure, it might not payoff in the long run for my health, but I'm Bo-Sizing this paragraph right now and giving the prediction formula, tying point to the Panthers. 

Denver: 3          Carolina: 3

8. Personal Intangible 

No matter who wins Super Bowl 50, the story writes itself for sportswriters everywhere. Either Peyton Manning gets a career defining victory for a franchise that nearly abandoned all faith in him a couple months ago, or the Panthers cement themselves as a contender for years to come behind Cam Newton and an insanely athletic defense. So who gets the edge from me? The team I now support. 

Last week, I officially declared my independence from my Browns' fandom. I've watched the Panthers play nearly every Sunday in the fall and reaped the benefits of discounted Krispy Kreme Doughnuts on far too many Mondays ($4 for a dozen in the Carolinas). So yeah, I'm on board. This means for the first time in my lifetime, "my team" is playing in the Super Bowl. If the success rate for professional sports teams I support continues to impact the Panthers, they will lose- and probably in embarrassing fashion. But something about this team feels special. It won't be easy to beat Manning-Nantz in what could be their final act together, but if anybody can do it, it's this team that couldn't gain the respect they deserved all season long. 

Keep Pounding, Panthers. Oh, and Krispy Kreme, how about a free dozen for a Carolina win?

Carolina: 24    Denver: 13

J. Nave 

Expand or Die: The Necessity of Revolution in the College Football Playoff

When third string quarterback Cardale Jones led Ohio State to victories over Alabama and Oregon, a popular tale about the massively improved way of crowning a champion in major college football was shouted throughout the sports world. Considering the two title game participants would have been left out had the BCS system still been in place, this was a logically derived conclusion. Four teams were better than two. Humans were better than computers. Everything seemed to be pointing in the right direction, unless you were a fan of TCU or Baylor. Now, with two years of semifinals in the books though, there seem to be some disturbing trends with the existing format. While empirically four games is a minuscule sample size, the easiest solution is to expand the playoff's structure as quickly as possible to eight teams because the selection committee was given an impossible task with how the college football season is perceived.

In the United States' judicial system, precedence serves an important role in determining how to handle the outcome of cases. The courts follow codified laws set forth by the government, draw back on the stipulations set forth by previous opinions, and even dissenting statements can be cited during a court's ruling later down the line. The College Football Playoff committee has its laws set in place, yet a severe lack of precedence. To compensate, strict adherence to the constitution has been the route through the first two years. This has arguably led to two major mistakes on determining the "top four teams" in college football, which is ultimately the purpose of the committee. Last year, it was Florida State. A 13-0 record, ACC championship, and the prestige of being defending champion vaulted the Seminoles into the playoff. However, after nearly a half dozen games won late in the fourth quarter against less than stellar opponents in conference play, Oregon embarrassed them. This year, it was Michigan State. A 12-1 mark, Big Ten championship, and wins over Oregon and Ohio State gave the Spartans a stellar resume. However, after escaping with a win over Michigan courtesy of the most fortuitous play in college football history and losing to 5-7 Nebraska, Alabama shut them out. A blowout game should be a rarity with the teams selected for the playoff should the committee be doing their job correctly. Was the writing on the wall with some of the events that took place during the regular season? Perhaps, with Vegas pegging the aforementioned winners by comfortable spreads. 

So why should a move to eight happen? The College Football Playoff committee's website says the four team playoff is ideal because it, "preserves the best regular season in sports and protects America’s rich bowl tradition." Furthermore, "it goes just the right distance and respects the academic calendar while limiting the number of games played by student-athletes." There is a litany of issues with these rationales:

1. The college football regular season will not be changed by doubling the amount of teams contending for a championship- Only about 6% of teams will qualify for a slot, far less than about every other league on Earth. It will only keep more fan bases invested throughout the fall and give even less merit to those complaining their team was left out as they were likely given plenty of opportunities during conference play to earn an opportunity.
2. Rich bowl tradition? More bowls get added every year. Teams with losing records qualified for bowl games this years. Attendance at nearly 90% of bowl games is in the few hundreds, if not less. Essentially, every bowl not determining the champion is a consolation anyways. Tradition outside of the Rose Bowl is dead. 
3. Respects the academic calendar? First games can be played the third Saturday in December. Most years, the first bowl games are played then anyways. The second and third fall into their current positions on the calendar. It baffled me and nearly insulted me the website thought this defense was reasonable. 
4. The student athlete label is nothing more than an a redundantly failed, borderline oxymoronic defense to the intentions of the NCAA. Rescheduling final exams isn't a problem for myself in many of my courses. I'm sure eight universities wouldn't have an issue with accommodating their football players through this process. Especially if it leads to higher interest in enrolling in their university after a postseason run in one of collegiate athletics' two biggest sports.
5. Safety is the only respectable defense against playing an additional game. There was a major motion picture made about one of the sport's biggest health epidemics. But with two weeks off in between the final three playoff games, there would be an increased amount of recovery time compared to the regular season. 

As for the impossibility of selecting the top four teams, look no further than the headlines and discussions that have taken place about college football this week. The result of a bowl game apparently determines about 95% of the perception on whether a team's season was a success or a failure. Three weeks ago, the consensus was the selection committee selected the top four teams without flaw. On social media, analysts are now proclaiming Clemson, Alabama, Stanford, and Ohio State were the top four teams this season. Michigan State and Iowa are proof the Big Ten will live on in irrelevancy until the end of days. Oklahoma served as another chapter in the age old narrative about the lack of anything resembling defense existing in the Big 12. 

Postseason play in sports determines whether a team wins a championship or not, and as a result, it determines the legacy of that year's team. But to the extent of one bowl game erasing the importance of the previous 12 or 13 games in college football is almost laughable. All three teams had fantastic seasons. Nothing should be taken away from them. Suggesting they didn't belong in the playoff or playoff conversation after their final game of the season is insulting to the players. Teams have poor showings all the time, and for the Spartans, Hawkeyes, and Sooners, they just so happened to suffer the consequences in the most paramount game of their seasons. One of those consequences should not be a label of overrated from the sports media, but sadly that's not the case. 

The funny things is, you won't see this line of thinking in any other sport. Should the Panthers or Broncos lose their first playoff game, credit will be given to the winning team on an incredible performance. It would be asinine to label either Carolina or Denver as fraudulent teams. The same thing goes for playoff series in the MLB, NBA, or NHL. Why not college football? My best guess is conference pride, exuberated most audibly by fans of the schools in the SEC, but seen at a level in all corners of the country. Conference bowl records suddenly become the most important measuring stick of an entire season. Yet again, to have such sweeping conclusions drawn from one week of the season is severely statistically flawed, but for some reason, the competition annually rages on. You won't see Ravens fans supporting a Steelers' run to the Super Bowl for AFC North pride. You won't see Red Sox fans rooting for the Yankees to win another world series for the AL East. But for some unexplainable reason, you bet it matters if Nebraska beats UCLA and Auburn beats Memphis in a third tier bowl game. College football fans, we ought to be better than this. Let's stop practicing this personally unfathomable way of thinking and respect the players on our teams. (Expanding the playoff officially kills multiple birds with one stone)

The criterion used to rank teams by the committee won't change. There's no better objective procedure out there. However, with only room for four teams, a Power Five conference champion will continue to be left out. Last year, as a Buckeye fan, I would've been terrified should Ohio State have been matched up against TCU, one of the Big 12's co-champion. This year, I'm sure Clemson or Alabama fans wouldn't want to defend Christian McCaffrey University, the Pac 12 champions. At the end of the day, that's why the amount of teams the committee can put into field needs to double as soon as possible. Both teams deserved the right to play for a championship. They might get blown out like the 2014 Seminoles or 2015 Spartans, but depriving them of an opportunity is highway robbery. TCU (and Baylor, the other conference co-champion) and Stanford have legitimate gripes because of the four team model. Teams ranked #9 in the final ranking likely would not have nearly as much of a justifiable claim. Five conference champions and three wildcard teams. It sounds too easy. If you're not sold, just take a look at the matchups we were deprived of by not having this format: 

(1) Clemson vs. (8) Notre Dame: A rematch of one of the best games of the college football season? Sign me up. Who knows how that plays out in monsoon free conditions. 
(2) Alabama vs. (7) Ohio State: A rematch of the 2014 semifinal. The two teams with the most NFL Draft talent. Saban versus Meyer again. 
(3) Michigan State vs. (6) Stanford: Old school football at its finest. Pac 12 champ vs. Big Ten champ. The Rose Bowl as it was intended. 
(4) Oklahoma vs. (5) Iowa: Heartland battle between two contrasting styles.

Subjectively ranking one conference champion ahead of another needs to be eliminated. Many believe the committee has messed this up through the first two years of the playoff already. Who knows how many more times this mistake will be made in the years going forward if the magic number remains at four. I do know, however, that every year well grounded complaints about the committee's selection will be preached after the conclusion of the bowl games. Erase this pressure, give fans more football, and allow more programs the chance to participate in the chase for a championship. 

If this circulates to every corner of the Internet and a high ranking official of the NCAA ends up reading my thoughts and the feelings of so many others? Ignore everything else. Except the line below:
Current Format: $$$$$$ for you. Eight Team Format: $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ for you. 

J. Nave 

The Definitive Power Rankings of the Teams and People Most Responsible for Ohio State Not Making the College Football Playoff

Although the College Football Playoff Selection Committee won't release their final set of rankings until Saturday, I'm going to go ahead and declare Ohio State's quest to claim back to back national championships over. If North Carolina upsets Clemson, I feel either team could be chosen to get in the playoff over the Buckeyes. If Stanford beats USC, the Cardinal's status as a conference champions would usurp the Buckeyes' position. And the only way Alabama loses to Florida is if Urban Meyer shows up on the sidelines in Atlanta with one of the teams that won a championship during his tenure in Gainesville. Nothing can take away the experiences of the exciting ride from last January, and Pasadena or Glendale on New Year's Day is not a bad consolation prize. Unfortunately in Columbus, where conference championships and national championships are the expectation, the long planned coronation for this group, the truly special and championship material team, will not take place. This brings me to the subject of this post: Who is most to blame?

5. Michigan
That Team up North deserves a spot on the list because the devil himself resides in the pure Michigan hell of Ann Arbor. In that spectacular October moment, Buckeyes everywhere were rejoicing the ineptitude of punter Blake O'Neill. Looking back now, had O'Neill been able to catch the ball and kick it high into the murky, dark sky that should permanently blanket the most overrated venue in collegiate athletics, Ohio State would be playing in Indianapolis this Saturday. A fan base that blasphemously praised new coach Jim Harbaugh as the messiah before the season began definitely deserved losing on such a miraculous display of karma. But why couldn't the special teams gaffe have happened against Indiana? The quantum of solace Buckeye fans can wallow in is the fact all the maize and blue clad "Victors" will have nightmares of Ezekiel Elliott running through and around their defense instead of visions of sugarplums this holiday season. Even better? The likelihood of a bowl matchup with LSU where Leonard Fournette could do the exact same thing. Better luck next year, Jimmy. John's a more elite coach anyways. 

4. Mark D'Antonio
Is D'Antonio the best coach in college football? I think the argument could be made very easily, especially should the Spartans win their potential next three games. He's turned East Lansing into a football power following in the philosophy of basketball wizard Tom Izzo. Unlike Saban or Meyer who continually recruits high school football royalty, D'Antonio, like Izzo, recruits hard-nosed, physical players on both sides of the ball to break the will of opposing teams and pieces them together. His former quarterbacks (Hoyer, Cousins, Stanton, and soon enough, Cook) have gone on to mildly successful careers in the NFL, too. That's why it wasn't surprising to me when the Spartans came into Columbus in rainy conditions, with a couple backup quarterbacks at the helm, and walloped Ohio State. It's a sign of a good football team when you can plug in the next man up and still get the job done (See Ohio State, 2014). In the landscape of spread offenses, it's refreshing to see Michigan State win in the fashion they do. Plus, D'Antonio was the defensive coordinator for Ohio State during the 2002 championship season, so he's proven he can get the ultimate job done. I have a healthy respect for what D'Antonio has accomplished, I have a healthy disdain for his ability to end Urban Meyer's 20 game winning streaks (2x), and I heartily pray Ray Tanner pays him $9 million a year to come turn around the South Carolina Gamecocks. 

3. Tennessee 
Why do I hate the Volunteers? Maybe it's the gaudy shade of orange refused by Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side. Maybe it's because Rocky Top and Turn Down for What, the two most annoying songs in the world, are played in Knoxville on Fall Saturdays at a frequency that should be reserved only for Mariah Carey and Michael Buble during the month of December. Maybe it's the fact they're the only team South Carolina is 0-3 against during my time at the school. Maybe it's because of the upset they pulled against the second greatest Ohio State basketball team of my lifetime. Maybe it's a result of the bizarre coincidence of season ending injuries they inflict on great running backs. They crack the list, though, because Tennessee could have greatly helped out Ohio State based on the current playoff field. The Vols blew a huge lead against Oklahoma that would have given the Sooners a second loss. A few weeks later, they fell flat on their faces in a game that would have knocked Alabama out of the SEC Championship.  The debate on "Who's In?" would be increasingly more uncertain had Tennessee lived up to the preseason hype Butch Jones generated all summer. Peyton Manning is the only redeeming association for your university, and he's growing more decrepit by the hour. Everybody tells me you being relevant is good for college football. I see it other ways, but some relevancy this year would have been greatly appreciated. Figure it out, Tennessee. 

2/1. Tim Beck and Ed Warinner 
If you were to tell me in August that Ezekiel Elliott would receive only two carriers in the second half of a game, I would have assumed one of the following situations occurred:

-Ohio State was blowing out Northern Illinois, Western Michigan, and/or Hawaii 
-Ohio State was playing Tennessee in a playoff game, and a Volunteer defender tore his ACL
-Elliott was thrown out for targeting after leveling one of his devastating blocks on a helpless defender

A fourth situation emerged when Beck and Warinner decided in the most important game of the season that the best player on their offense would become a non-factor. Zeke had rushed for 100 yards in FIFTEEN STRAIGHT GAMES. THAT MIGHT BE A CLUE THAT HE DESERVES THE FOOTBALL EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE, ESPECIALLY WHEN JT BARRETT UP THE MIDDLE ISN'T WORKING. The more I think about it the angrier I become. Elliott would go on to rip his coaching staff and rightfully so. Had Beck and Warinner decided to not ignore the focal point of the offense for the PREVIOUS FIFTEEN GAMES, I wouldn't be writing this post, and Zeke would be booking his flight to New York. In 1975, Archie Griffin won the Heisman. In 1995, Eddie George won the Heisman. In 2015, Ezekiel Elliott could have very conceivably won the Heisman, but Beck and Warinner obviously don't believe in beauty, serendipity, and happiness. You want another reason to hate the two co-offensive coordinators? Ed Warinner's salary is $400,000. Tim Beck salary is $515,000. That's right, folks. Nearly ONE MILLIONS DOLLARS ARE PAID BY THE STATE OF OHIO TO THESE GENTLEMEN. CAN YOU IMPEACH YOUR OFFENSIVE COORDINATORS?!? CAN YOU IMAGINE IF PRESIDENT OBAMA MESSED UP SOMETHING THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SO ELEMENTARY  TO FIGURE OUT IN SUCH AN EMBARRASSING FASHION?!? AND HE GETS PAID LESS THAN BECK?!? 

To make matters ever so slightly better, the next week against the aforementioned Wolverines, Elliott would get 30 carries, run for 180 yards, and score two touchdowns. Coincidentally, Warinner and Beck were both up in the press box for the Michigan game. I strongly believe Meyer was so fed up with the incompetency of his coordinators he placed them up their with headsets linked to the sidelines for a youth game in some Detroit suburb. Instead of calling yet another 'QB Draw' or 'QB Power' to result in virtually no gain for Barrett, poor Derek from Auburn Hills found himself running straight into the defensive line of the 4th Grade Jets in hopeless perpetuity. I feel bad for the kid, but Warinner and Beck probably wouldn't if they were made aware of the situation that took place. They have no souls. Hopefully for the bowl game, Urban "accidentally" gives them a plane ticket to the wrong city. Or maybe he just won't purchase them. They deserve to do nothing but sit at home on New Year's Day in silence with a plate of pork and sauerkraut wishing for new employment and better fortune in 2016. How much to get Tom Herman back? I'm sure a slight bump in tuition would be worth it.  

J. Nave